Did ya miss me?
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Yeah, I took a bit of a vacation. I went through a bit of a rough patch mentally and I realized that I was checking out from a lot of stuff (including being on here) so I got away from it.
Of course, I also got away from pretty much any healthy habit I had worked on building up too and I ballooned up to about 360 lbs. I hope I enjoyed myself.
Like a lot of people on here that have been fighting the fight against being obese for a long time I get discouraged and I get depressed. I think that I let it get to me a little bit too much, though. Usually I can brush it off of my shoulders and carry on, but this time I went into full "F*** it" mode. In fact, I think I went so far as to choose unhealthy things just to show how little I cared (it was doing things like that and being in denial about my condition that led to my getting so sick that I was in a coma for 2 1/2 weeks a couple of years ago). I never went full bore like I did back in 2009 (my last A1C was 6.8. Not great but not the 14+ I had when I went for the long nap in the hospital).
A couple of times I felt like I SHOULD come back to SparkPeople (the least of which was when my friend Dave who I had been selling the site to as such a great tool / resource finally signed up and there I was trying not to make eye contact w/the emails I got every morning), but I felt like I wasn't worthy of being on here because I knew I was going to keep on making the same bullheaded choices. Basically I was ashamed to be on here for as long as I was throwing my temper tantrum / pity party.
Well I am finally done with it. After an absence of a few weeks I got back in the gym yesterday (being sick didn't help matters but I used that as an excuse for a lot longer than my being sick lasted), and after talking w/my doctor last week I am going on a smarter low carb diet for a while to see how I react to it (it went well when I was on it years ago. My numbers got a lot better. I am guardedly optimistic that I can get the same results or even better this time).
Thanks to everyone who thought about me and came by to check on me on my page. I saw that you were here even if I didn't come in myself and knowing that people that I have never even met care enough about me to check on me really helped get me off of the pity train and back onto making healthy and smart choices.
Here's hoping and praying for a Happy and healthy New Year (and beyond) for all of you.