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Second (third...fourth...) Chances: A Hopeful New Year

Sunday, January 01, 2012

I'm a bit upset with myself for falling off the wagon, yet again. It happens every year though. I do great with my diet/exercise until September rolls around. Fall quarter is a super-busy time at work, and I never have time to even wash dishes, let alone plan fulfilling healthy meals and work out like I should. But now is the time to begin again. I quit one of my three jobs, so I'm down to two responsibilities at the college. My hours in the library are reasonable and I'm only teaching one course. I am going to be busy with graduate school starting next week (yay!), but I just ordered a planner and I am determined to stay organized, avoid procrastinating, and get myself back in gear.

Would anyone be interested in a check-in system? I find that I do better when I am accountable to someone. Anyone want to send and receive a quick encouraging text a few times a week to keep me on track? A buddy system? If so, feel free to SparkMail me and we can exchange phone numbers.

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but a few days ago, I was ready to give up. Give up trying to be healthy, give up trying to be a healthy weight, and give up trying to have a baby. It's been eight years since my husband and I first started trying to get pregnant, and I have just been getting worse and worse every year. I have lots of problems with my hormones, and--sorry if this is a bit graphic--I have only had my period four or five times without the help of medication. This leaves little chance to get pregnant. And the medication I have to take does not cause ovulation, so even the medication gives me little chance to get pregnant. I have been super depressed lately, not exercising, not eating well, and just feeling my clothes get tighter and tighter.

I have been in a lot of pain the past few days. The pain was so bad one night, it was in all my dreams. It felt like period cramps times ten and I thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room. I never thought it could be old aunt flow, but it was! Happy New Year to me! It may seem odd, but AF has lifted my spirits. I feel like my body is finally cooperating. A baby doesn't seem impossible anymore.
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