This time it's mandatory.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I had a little scare today.

The university is mostly shut down this week, so I am working from home with no immediate deadlines, no grant applications due, no family-visit pressure. It's the most laid-back holiday season I've had in several years. So naturally I lounged around in my jammies until around 4pm, when I decided it might be nice to have a hot shower. But when I got out and dried off, I felt shaky. Really shaky, like if I didn't eat something I might be in trouble. Low-blood-sugar shaky, or at least what I imagine it must feel like.

I went to the freezer and pulled out the quickest insta-food I could find, but it was a little bit of a challenge just to dump it on a plate, cover it with plastic wrap, and get it into the microwave for 2 minutes. While it was in there, I decided to give myself a sugar jolt with a couple sips of eggnog, right from the carton. It wasn't until several minutes after I finished off the insta-food that I started to feel like myself again.

As the shakiness passed and my head cleared, I sat and pondered my situation. I have gained a stunning amount of weight over the past 20 months, and I am now the heaviest I've ever been. My father is diabetic and both my parents have high blood pressure. If I'm not pre-diabetic yet, I surely will be, before too long. My options are now limited.

When I lost weight before, I said that one of my reasons was that I wanted to be healthy. That was certainly true; although I have never had any serious health problems, I was certainly a lot healthier after losing 70 pounds. But my real health concerns were way off in the future. I knew my family history, but figured I had a nice long time to take care of myself before I developed anything serious.

I don't think that any more.

Now my health is my main worry - much more so than looks, self-confidence, or even feeling "normal" rather than obese. I am *gulp* middle-aged. I am seriously overweight. I am toying with health problems that could, very quickly, change my life forever. I could wake up tomorrow, or next week, with full-blown diabetes. Or I could have a heart attack at 43. No doctor on earth would be surprised to see it happen.

So I opened up my computer and began tracking all my food for the day. (It turns out that because I ate my leisurely - and nutrient-poor - breakfast late in the morning, I had skipped lunch, and it hadn't occurred to me that I had taken in far fewer calories by 4pm than my body was used to having.) I changed my dinner plans from a high-fat Paula Deen wild rice bake (butter and heavy cream, anyone?) to a much healthier wild rice pilaf with chicken sausage. And I went back to the beginning, setting very simple exercise and nutrition goals for myself.

Here I go again. It isn't easy, but this time the alternatives seem much scarier.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    How's it going so far? Sounds like this was a good wake up call, and I'm glad it came before a serious problem.

    If you ever want to get together for a walk or hike, just let me know. I don't run anymore (knee pain), but I love to hike!
    3256 days ago
    Good for you for taking charge again!
    3258 days ago
    C'mon kiddo, back in the saddle. I'm right here with ya, shoulder to shoulder, except for not being able to move much. My DD24 is going to diet with me. For us, sadly, this is exactly what it is. We're aiming for 1500 cals a day, and more Mediterranean/South Beach than anything else.

    Our downstairs neighbor lost 75lbs. on WW. She lives alone, and says it's a b*tch to keep it off. But she looks great, and this is her first time losing weight. Now she also works for WW, so it is constant reinforcement.

    I love ya, girlfriend. We SHALL prevail.
    3260 days ago
    I guess that was a scare for you. I have suffered from hypoglycemia for years. I used to pass out all of the time.

    I'm sure that getting a work up from your doctor and finding out what is going on with your body would be a step in the right direction.

    I hope that you feel better soon and make sure that you eat your meals in a timely fashion.

    Here's hoping for a healthier tomorrow.

    3260 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5575543
    Better to wake up now than after the diabetes gets hold of you.
    Take care of yourself and you'll be here and healthy now.
    3263 days ago
  • RHALES199
    I, too, have regianed weight, and am worried about the health issues that may come with it, so you and I are in the same boat!! WE can do this!!
    3263 days ago
  • JUDITH1654
    It's really easy to get complacent when we don't have any immediate health issues, but then they can sneak up on us before we know it.

    You're smart - you know what to do. And you also know we are here for you anytime. emoticon

    PS: We've missed you!!!
    3264 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/27/2011 10:41:58 PM
  • JP6262AMY
    You can do this!!

    3264 days ago
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