The most beautiful body
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I went to the office Xmas party tonight. Ate a little too much… I looked at all the ladies' pretty dresses and their sparkly jewellery, wishing I'd had time to buy a new outfit. I only have one frock, and it's a summer dress that's now much too big for me.
What struck me is that the most beautiful women were not the most elegantly adorned. The real beauty was in the way they wore their bodies; it was in the ease and comfort with which they carried themselves. True beauty lies in grace and strength. It doesn't have anything to do with facial symmetry or shiny hair or long lashes.
When I look out the window of my apartment, I can see people walking along a nice road that leads to the ocean. Many people walk this route, and the way they walk tells the story of their physicality. It's so easy to see whether someone walks regularly, and whether they enjoy it.
My uncle said something similar about cyclists. He sees them riding and can tell whether they're on their bikes every day, whether they love it, or whether biking is a chore that they are only doing because they missed the bus.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything we do etches itself into our bodies. We wear what we do. Our bodies show our actions.
I have eaten my pain, loneliness, boredom, anger and fear for years, and I wear that because I carry an extra 50 pounds.
I used to carry an extra 135 pounds. That's because I also used to escape my pain by holing up and reading a lot, but over the years I began to be more active. Slowly, steadily, I increased my physical activity. I took dance classes, swam, hiked. Now I cycle everywhere and do taiko drumming and go to the gym to do strength training. My body shows what I've done. My muscles, my flexibility are my beauty.
Sometimes I still eat for comfort and reward. This last couple of weeks have been rough.
Tonight at that party I was jealous of some of the women, of how lithe and strong and lovely they looked. Really, though, I'd rather be jealous of that than of their hair or bone structure or clothes!
So I have to work to get a slimmer body. Maybe they had to work for it, or maybe it just came naturally and easily to them. There are some things that come naturally and easily to me that other people would really love to have. I have my gifts, and I have my challenges. My challenge now is to learn healthy ways to cope with stressful emotions. I can do it. I am doing it.
We wear our actions. What we do shows on our bodies. My struggle, my heart's work, will show too.