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petty whinning & ex-boyfriends

Thursday, December 08, 2011

I've finally broken out of my "wanting to lose weight but not actually creating a calorie deficit" mode. You know those people that talk about losing weight as they eat cookies and bagels?? That was me. I wasn't out of control or anything, but there's a reason why I hadn't lost any weight since July. In reality I climbed back up a few but never changed my ticker. Because that ticker is sacred and changing that is serious business.

I'm at 145 and have been for a few weeks now so I know it's the real deal. I should be happily jumping up and down. I'm not. Here are my problems:
emoticon When will it be enough? My original goal was 155. Then I moved it to 150. Then 140. I'm pretty darn close yet I still see lots of areas that need shrinking & toning. Will I feel content at 140? The only way to know is to get there, right?!

emoticon Clothing. Nothing fits. Nothing fits! I am annoyed every time I look in my closest. I don't have tons of cash to drop on a new wardrobe right now. But I seriously need one bra to fit perfectly. And one pair of jeans. Just one. And if you let me get greedy, I'll say I want a super pretty comfy green sweater. And a gray infinity scarf. And some new tall brown boots. And and and...See what happens?
(I put running gloves, a beanie and yoga pants that actually fit on my Christmas list. Fingers crossed!)
And I know this is a good problem to have. Baggy jeans, loose tops, even my workout clothes are too big. Good problem, but still a problem.

emoticon Running is not cheap. And I want new gear! Do I spend the little $ I have on good running tights that will get mega miles this winter and a warm neck warmer thingie OR do I get the bra and jeans?

emoticon And I am vain and materialistic and feel kinda silly worrying about these things. But man, you should see these boots I have my eye on.

Totally unrelated, but a story I want to hash out somewhere so I figure Spark is the perfect place.
I'd noticed an unknown number on my cell a couple of times in the past few weeks. Just missed calls, no messages. For whatever reason I answer yesterday when I see the number again. Well, it was my total loser jerkface ex-boyfriend. I've been married 5 years. DH and I were together for over 2 years before we got married. So this guy is from awhile ago. We're not Facebook friends. He lives in another country. He don't talk or email. There is zero relationship. The relationship we did have 8 years ago was dysfunctional and abusive.

I ask why he's calling. He says he wants to talk. Really? Talk? It's been 8 years. (OK, fine. 5 years. he called once after I got married.)
What do you want?
He wants to see how I'm doing.
ummmm, seriously?
I'm good. I'm happily married and have two awesome kids.
He asks if I can Skype him when I get home.
HELLLL NO. And that's what I said. I asked, "What's the point? What do you want?"
He tells me, "Don't be like that. I just want to see what you look like after having 2 babies."
With all the "I am woman, hear me roar- attitude I got I say, "I look good. I'm training for a marathon. I run all the time. I look GOOD." click.
wow, that felt amazing. And now it's time to change my cell phone number.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Crazy ex-boyfriends.....Damn, you look good, I wonder what he thought of that!!??

    I had one contact me on Facebook a couple years ago. He felt the need to tell me that the women he was sleeping with behind my back for a year(ex-friend)'s mother died... OK, sad that someone died, but really, he actually thought I'd care????? (I don't mean to sound insensitive here)

    I totally get what you are saying about needing new clothing, and wanting new clothing too! I also have a hard time deciding if I should get real clothes, or workout wear, very tough in deed!

    2318 days ago
    The rehash of that phone conversation made me think of my sleazy ex-brother-in-law. That man was creeeeepy with a captial C!

    I hear you with the clothes, only my problem is that I have actually grown OVER my clothes, not under. I hate stepping into my closet. I hate picking out stuff to wear. My shirts are too short and I know it's b/c my belly is too big. And my bras SUCK! Hopefully Santa leaves you with a nice gift card to a nice clothing store that you like so you can buy buy buy.
    2318 days ago
    Way to go hanging up on the ex! how RUDE. What a JERK. But good for you! I hope it made YOU feel better =] I can totally relate to the whole having nothing to fit thing! I went through that for awhile, then FINALLY caved and went to a local thrift shop and STOCKED UP. Having proper fitting clothes makes a HUGE difference in body image!
    2329 days ago
    Way to go woman!
    Your ex sounds like a piece of work. The nerve of him to ask for a skype session in order to see how you're holding up physically after having your kids. WTF?
    Good for you for shutting that down.
    By the way- my vote is for the bra and jeans... You can run in $5 Sweatpants if need be- but you want your hard work to pay off so that you are feeling HOT!
    Obviously if you could get both, I would vote for that!
    2330 days ago
    It didn't take me long to realize that you are the kind of person who can do anything that you put your mind to let us know what 140 feels like when you get there. I'm sure it won't take long, especially once the new year hits and you can get some distance from the holiday parties.

    2330 days ago
    Good job on not giving the ex what he wanted!! It's not his business to see how good you look! And I complain about the whole clothes thing too! I'm now into the smallest jeans I own from about 6 years ago and they are even a little big, but I don't want to drop the cash because I'm hoping to drop more weight. I never thought losing weight could be so expensive! I've started taking some of my bigger clothes to a second-hand store to try and get a little cash back for them. It's not a lot of money, but it's better than nothing!
    2330 days ago
    Crazy story on the ex.

    I know what you mean about clothes - I have about 3 closetsful now that I don't know what to do with. They're good clothes, I could donate them but I sometimes want to keep them as fallback.

    It's a weird problem for sure...
    2330 days ago
    Not sure if you'd be up for it but what about 2nd hand clothing? I LOVE used stores. You can put together the best outfits for a very very affordable price-if you're willing to spend a little of your time searching through. Not sure if it's your "thing" but it may be worth a try if you're *swimming* in all your clothes(lucky lady-wish I had your prob-LOL).

    And all I can say about the ex is..strange, very strange.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2330 days ago
    Tights. And god men are ridiculous. How come he thinks he has the right to call after 5 years and hit things off with you again. You are right LOSER
    2331 days ago
    Buy the tights! Congrats on checking the loser ex :)
    2331 days ago
    That's right you look GOOD! You tell him, girl! You handled it so well!
    As for clothes and running being expensive, I feel you! I just had to buy some new winter clothes because it got so cold here (surely not as cold as up there but pretty cold for Texas)! Plus I'm buying all these sports nutrition stuff (gels, powerbar, sports drinks) which I can probably do without but they're so helpful for me! Not to mention all the running gear! I do think you should at least buy a neck warmer though, you don't want to get sick...
    2331 days ago
    Get the tights! I actually wiah I bought med longs from roadrunnersports! Ex boyfriends are plagues! Go you for giving him the click!
    2331 days ago
  • REYVE01
    Wow... that was so rude of him.... good for you telling him off.
    2331 days ago
    Way to stand tall & shut jerk face out of your life!! You're doing great!! :)
    2331 days ago
    Sometimes people just have a hard time believing that you are able to function without them. Good for you for handling it with class!
    2331 days ago
    Omg love it!!!!!! Sorry for drama but you go girly!!!!

    And lol I had to snap out of my carbs too eat to run, not run to eat hahaha
    2331 days ago
    OMG, Maura - you know I totally appreciate your comeback to the total-jerkface loser!!

    Call it as you see em!!

    You are doing great!!
    2331 days ago
    That is beyond creepy, but I love the way you handled it!!!! Very creative!!!:-)
    Are all of your clothes too big?
    How tall are you, by the way?
    I am hoping that I will need new smaller clothes soon!!!!
    2331 days ago
    Great way of handling it! emoticon
    2331 days ago
    That's SO gross. Creepy and gross. Way to tell him! I have such a hard time coming up with awesome answers on the spot. You totally succeeded.

    I am totally with you on the clothes vs running stuff choices. I hate that. I need all new stuff, I feel like. Fitness is NOT cheap and some (kinda immature) part of me feels like when it's already so much work for me to actually work out that somehow someone else should be spending the cash it takes. Trouble is, not sure who exactly that should be, lol. Fitness fairy?? Does she need my address??
    I sense a lot of similarities on where you and I are on our journey, wanna be friends? I'm adding you! :D

    2331 days ago
    Ew, what a jerk!!! Guys totally baffle me sometimes!!!
    2331 days ago
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