I'm Ranting!!!

Monday, December 05, 2011

Boy this holiday thing has thrown me a parents live 2 1/2 hours away from me and live deep in the sticks so running around the farm with kids was about all the exercise I got for thanksgiving.... then I came home and have really felt awful, honestly some of my "gym day's" I just didn't feel like going...and I know those are the day's I NEED to go but emotionally right now I'm having a hard time doing anything. I don't know why everything is hitting me so hard except I keep flashing back and referencing this time last year when my life was dumped on my head. I guess I still haven't dealt with it and have just survived the stress from last year. And then Thanksgiving was tough...there was a lot of tension and negative energy and then after we came home there was a huge blow up involving my parents and my Brother and his wife. And then I was attacked on Facebook by my brother for no reason at all and have since been cut out of their lives...I finally found out what it was that I did wrong yesterday. And I spent all day crying over it. And then I got really angry. I have been cut out of their lives because I make reference to being broke when asked if we were going Black friday shopping with SIL...and she's mad because " I'm sick of hearing you cry how broke you are but you can afford to get the dog groomed and have a puppy cut" and "you say you can't feed the kids but you have a notebook computer" "and I'm sick of hearing how Broke you are but your husband Brags about making 60-100 in tips a night and it's play money" and she is sorry that I can't see how much I've changed and am becoming just like my husband and like to try to "appear to be rich".... at first I was upset about that but then I got real angry. I have a job, I work hard for my money, My husband works 7 day's a week and will be finishing up his schooling in 2 weeks. We've had to make sacrifices as a family to better our lives. He is doing his internship so in reality only 4 of the 7 day's he's working are paid and he's a pizza delivery guy and busts his butt to make good tips. I NEVER eat until my kids are fed...and yes we've had a few nights where I didn't eat so that my kids could eat but that's only been a few times. I am rich... My family is my wealth...and I am picky about things, there are certain things I'd rather save up for than buy generic or knock off's. I like name brands but they don't consume my life...I shop at Old Navy, goodwill, yard sales and wal-mart as well as Macy's. And I do like expensive things...I'd rather have Ugg's then cheap Target brand boots that are going to fall apart. I'd rather keep saving for the lens for my camera that I really want instead of buying on that will do...or that is cheap. This has been me for as long as she's known me. I can be snobbish, and fickle but that's me too...the only thing that changed this time is I'm sick of hearing her BS and I gave it back to her. I was eating dessert and my mom was cleaning the kitchen and SIL goes "you should get off your F***ing A** and go help your mom" after she had just insulted DH about the way he parented moments before that, and normally I wouldn't have said anything but this time I looked at her and said... Wow, you are full of opinions tonight aren't you?! But seriously she's mad at me because of how we spend our money...the money WE actually work for....Did I ask you for money or to pay for anything of mine? And I actually work for my money.... Did I make any comments on how much money you spent on black friday that you get from NOT working??? Did I ask you how much of the food you contributed to dinner that you bought with food stamps? Did I make any comments about you having 3 kids while on Medi-Cal and are pregnant with another one? Not that I'm knocking the system...I was on it I did get food stamps and Medi-Cal but I also worked and used it as a tool to help me get off of the know, how it was acually was designed. She's seriously mad at me because I made a reference about being broke and for having a negative attitude. So last night I took a deep breath and decided that I was getting off this crazy train...
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