12/05: Something I Suck At
Sunday, December 04, 2011
I'm in stage three of the spark diet and the strategy of the week has to do with asking for help. Now, out of everything, I think that is the one thing I am really bad at. I don't have the patience for fishing, the grace for dancing, or the logic for math, but I'm much, much, much worse at asking for help.
I broke my foot, badly. Still in a cast and I did it in August. The beginning of August. Will be in some sort of contraption until March when it should be healed.
In that time, I never asked anyone for anything. I paid someone to carry my laundry to the laundry room and bring in my groceries. Everything else I did for myself. It took me a long time and I was sweating by the time I finished, but I could vacuum my floors, cook my own food, get my own mail and everything else that was involved with the business of living.
It has always felt like weakness to ask someone to do something for me if I am capable of doing it myself. It takes advantage of a friendship or a relationship and creates a debt. If I ask for help and that person doesn't ask me for help, then I have a debt I can't pay.
On the other hand, there was times when I should have asked for help, but because of that attitude, I couldn't do it. One should never try to go down stairs with a bag of trash in their hands while maneuvering on crutches. I nearly fell down three flights of stairs because I couldn't get up the nerve to walk next door and ask the neighbor lady for help. I know she would have done it, but there would have been a debt.
I shouldn't be like this, but I, like most people, have been taken advantage of. I helped people and then they used my kindness until the well ran dry. As usual, there is always someone out there ruining it for everyone else.