1st day of december....
Thursday, December 01, 2011
I'm not sure how much I weigh but I know how I FEEL!!!
The above image flashed into my head today at 4:05 pm while I walked my pup around the compound at work.
I know it's extreme but I think SHOCK VALUE is the only thing that will bring me out of whatever I have talked myself into!! SERIOUSLY......I have completely shut off any idea of loosing weight! I have eaten myself into some kind of cocoon of blubber, and shame without hesitation!!
My jeans are now so tight that they don't have any chance of staying across my FUPA!! The size 14 jeans that I bought myself sometime in August or September are almost UNBEARABLE!!!! I bought them as my "FAT JEANS!" Bought them because I had grown out of everything in my closet and I NEEDED something to wear while I lost weight!!! WHAT THE FK EVER!!!!! Now I'm on the verge of needing size 16 jeans!!! SIZE FRICKEN 16?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!
My belly felt bare as I tromped clumsily and winded along the fence line. The wind blowing so hard, that no plump contour or bouncy jiggle was missed. The button and zipper of my jeans completely engulfed by my embarrassing fleshy pink, skin fanny pack! Choking on my own breath, trying to hold the bottom seam of my top down; I fought my way up one side of the hill and down the other. I can say that in this moment I was thankful that the sheer velocity of the howling wind storm put forth a perfect cover story as to why I had tears running down my face.
Rock bottom........GOD I HOPE SO!!!