1st day of december....

Thursday, December 01, 2011

I'm not sure how much I weigh but I know how I FEEL!!!

The above image flashed into my head today at 4:05 pm while I walked my pup around the compound at work.

I know it's extreme but I think SHOCK VALUE is the only thing that will bring me out of whatever I have talked myself into!! SERIOUSLY......I have completely shut off any idea of loosing weight! I have eaten myself into some kind of cocoon of blubber, and shame without hesitation!!

My jeans are now so tight that they don't have any chance of staying across my FUPA!! The size 14 jeans that I bought myself sometime in August or September are almost UNBEARABLE!!!! I bought them as my "FAT JEANS!" Bought them because I had grown out of everything in my closet and I NEEDED something to wear while I lost weight!!! WHAT THE FK EVER!!!!! Now I'm on the verge of needing size 16 jeans!!! SIZE FRICKEN 16?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

My belly felt bare as I tromped clumsily and winded along the fence line. The wind blowing so hard, that no plump contour or bouncy jiggle was missed. The button and zipper of my jeans completely engulfed by my embarrassing fleshy pink, skin fanny pack! Choking on my own breath, trying to hold the bottom seam of my top down; I fought my way up one side of the hill and down the other. I can say that in this moment I was thankful that the sheer velocity of the howling wind storm put forth a perfect cover story as to why I had tears running down my face.

Rock bottom........GOD I HOPE SO!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMANDAK1213
    My reality hit me on the 30th of November as well. It sucked. Here I am again hating myself! Woke up to a 209 that day. Glad you are back and please are not alone my friend!
    2696 days ago
  • -AIMIE-
    I was so happy to see you in my friend feed this morning. I am glad you are blogging. And girl I tell you I have lost and gained the same twenty pounds three times over but I am still active on here and I think that is important. Stick with us on here even when you aren't making the best eating and exercise choices...still important to connect and share! I am proud of you for not staying gone too long :)
    2696 days ago
  • no profile photo GIBSOAB
    Vix I so totally understand. I am right there with you. You are a strong person and I know that you can do anything you set your mind to. We both have to decide that this is what we want and go for it with all our heart and mind. I am here for you, anytime night or day. Keep walking that pup, that is excercise :)
    Angie emoticon
    2696 days ago
  • BUCKY34
    Hey my love I'm here for you and so right there with you. I had to pull out old emergency pants in size 18/20 from a 14.......... I guess I'm sitting next to you in the picture LOL!
    2696 days ago
    keep working at it and you will eventually get to were you want to be.
    2696 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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