12/01: Reason #3
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Flagging motivation is getting better. I like writing down what I'm doing this for.
It's a little embarrassing to say that I haven't had a steady guy in two years, but it is a reason. My ex dumped me and though he has never out and out said it was because I had gained weight, the woman he left me for was much smaller. I have to admit that it really hurt me. I felt somehow inadequate. I know the problem was his, even then I knew that if he couldn't love me no matter what I weighed then he wasn't worth my time, but it still cut so deeply. Since then, there have been dates, even multiple dates with some of them, but it never went anywhere. I have a fear of getting involved, giving another person access to a vulnerable piece of myself, because I've gained and lost weight before. What if this doesn't stick and I'm back in the same position?
The reason is that I need to feel comfortable in my body again in order to be comfortable with someone else.