Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The past three weeks have been a bit too much.
First was the anniversary of the death of my mom. It's been five years. -too much sadness.
Then came the holiday- too much food.
Finally, today I go in for a breast ultrasound. - too much stress.
The good news is that I've kept exercising, even when I wasn't motivated. I've had a few times of emotional eating, but I allowed it. I knew what I was doing, so I choose healthier foods. Lastly, through it all, I've gained one pound. Yep, just one- not even gonna worry about that...
So, I have to see what shows up today.
Then make it through the holidays and holiday parties.
pssh no problem.
Speaking of which, yesterday the leader of the group where I go dance exercise invited me to the group's Christmas party. It's at a nice hotel in Tumon and I'm interested in going, but like any local event I'm sure the food buffet will be insane. Food here is a cultural art form.
I can take off and on my 16W pants without unzipping them. It's about time to foray into the "gasp" nonfat area of the clothing store... I'm not sure if I'm ready. Is it weird that it scares me a bit? I need better fitting pants and shorts. I know I'll be in the plus section for a long time for tops here though. The women here are small breasted. Anyway, I'm not. I have Ds. I had a friend in Alaska once that joked that it was because of Alaska. She had gained a cup size since moving there. She said it must have been because of the dark. Breasts must grow more in the dark, like mushrooms or something. So, that's the body image issues I'm having.
Actually, I'm having more issues. Sometimes I see my reflection and am surprised and happy. Other times I see it and think how huge I am. Honestly, If you put me in a room and told me to pick out a person who was the same size as me I couldn't do it.
Sometimes I see a woman who is a healthy size- not too skinny, and I just want to ask her how much she weighs or her size. So I'd know that when I get to that weight or size, I would look like I wanted. Even way back when I was a teen and "normal" I thought I was too big...