random thoughts

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The past three weeks have been a bit too much.
First was the anniversary of the death of my mom. It's been five years. -too much sadness.
Then came the holiday- too much food.
Finally, today I go in for a breast ultrasound. - too much stress.

The good news is that I've kept exercising, even when I wasn't motivated. I've had a few times of emotional eating, but I allowed it. I knew what I was doing, so I choose healthier foods. Lastly, through it all, I've gained one pound. Yep, just one- not even gonna worry about that...

So, I have to see what shows up today.
Then make it through the holidays and holiday parties.
pssh no problem.
Speaking of which, yesterday the leader of the group where I go dance exercise invited me to the group's Christmas party. It's at a nice hotel in Tumon and I'm interested in going, but like any local event I'm sure the food buffet will be insane. Food here is a cultural art form.

I can take off and on my 16W pants without unzipping them. It's about time to foray into the "gasp" nonfat area of the clothing store... I'm not sure if I'm ready. Is it weird that it scares me a bit? I need better fitting pants and shorts. I know I'll be in the plus section for a long time for tops here though. The women here are small breasted. Anyway, I'm not. I have Ds. I had a friend in Alaska once that joked that it was because of Alaska. She had gained a cup size since moving there. She said it must have been because of the dark. Breasts must grow more in the dark, like mushrooms or something. So, that's the body image issues I'm having.

Actually, I'm having more issues. Sometimes I see my reflection and am surprised and happy. Other times I see it and think how huge I am. Honestly, If you put me in a room and told me to pick out a person who was the same size as me I couldn't do it.

Sometimes I see a woman who is a healthy size- not too skinny, and I just want to ask her how much she weighs or her size. So I'd know that when I get to that weight or size, I would look like I wanted. Even way back when I was a teen and "normal" I thought I was too big...
Funny huh.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Go for the new good fitting clothes! If that is not one of your rewards make it one! Remember this is for your health and not just your physical but your mental!


    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2693 days ago
    About looking at your reflection, and comparing yourself to others...

    You expressed what I have trouble admitting to. That's awesome. I want to compare, to feel normal.

    Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't know who I am. The angles, the waist, the crows feet from a face that is no longer plump.

    So, go shopping and admire yourself! That's awesome you can pull your pants off! Woo hoo!
    2695 days ago
    I remember both the first time realizing that I could shop at banana republic and buy normal sized jeans.

    I've also struggled with not really knowing what to make of the image in the mirror.

    I think that they're both very common struggles.

    Major congrats on your progress!
    2695 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by AKCHELLE