TRACY31502

SparkPoints
 

My first Sparkpeople Blog....my Journey up till now..its been quite a rollercoaster ride!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

this pic is of me at my heaviest! ITs not the greatest pic...but I obviously did not care to get my picture taken then but so wish that I had a better before pic! this is me at 372 lbs!

So here is my story. I married my amazing hubby in 2005. I weighed around 285 at the time. In our first year of marriage I gained 30lbs. I became pregnant in 2006 and lost that baby and gained more weight. In January of 2007 I was up to 353lbs and became pregnant again and again lost that baby and continued to pack on the pounds. I got up to 372 and didn't even know it (I avoided the scale...and if your avoiding the scale theres obviously a reason for it). The pic was taken in August of 2007 at my friends wedding. I put on a happy face but I was anything but happy...with myself that is...I was happy with everyone around me but not me! In October I reached an all time low. At that point I knew I had to do something to have a healthy baby, marriage, friendships, and life. I prayed that God would lead me in what to do....I had to find something to help me help myself. While watching an episode of "I lost it" there was a woman on there whos starting weight was right around what I weighed at the time. I told God that if ths woman had had surgery that was the route I was going but if she had done weight watchers or did it on her own I was going to do it on my own. Well she had done weight watchers. I then had a talk with my wonderful supportive hubby who accepted me and loved me no matter how big I was. He said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I then got online and found a ww meeting. I must have picked the wrong one because I know weight watchers does great things for people but I was not digging it. So I came home and decided I was doing this on my own. And just started off with baby steps! I will share some of my old blogs here!
Here are my first 2 blog/journal entries-
October 24th, 07
Today I'm starting anew AGAIN! Will this ever work I'm not quite sure. I'm dying inside from this weight I carry. And that is just what it is WEIGHT! I cannot believe I have reached this point, I'm at the point that I use to say if I get that big just shoot me. This is unbelievable yet I see and live with it every day. So I am making this as accountability to myself and to God. I can't go on living and feeling this way. I'm scared of failure, but also scared of dying and most of all not being able to have a happy healthy pregnancy and have the child that I know my husband so wants as do I. So today I'm taking control...well with the help of God. I have hit an all time low in my life when it comes to how I feel about myself and how can I give love to the people around me who so deserve it when I'm in this place. I don't understand why my friends and family accept me this way, and I really don't know how my husband does, he is an amazing man...I am truly blessed. God I need help to get through and succeed and I know I cannot do it without you! I'm begging for help! I'm not sure how much longer I can put on a happy face and act like I'm okay with myself when in reality I'm so utterly disgusted whenever I look into the mirror. And whem I'm out I think that everyone around me must think how ugly I am. Please help me change this for me and for everyone who cares about me. So...HERE WE GO!
October 25th, 07
Today went pretty well. I heard on something today that there was no way for someone to lose weight with just eating 3 meals a day. You are suppose to eat throughout the day and not just sid and eat 3 large meals and nothing else. So that is exactly what I'm doing. Basically eating when I am hungry but portioning it. For example today for my snack I wanted triscuits and cheese. Now normally I will sit down with the box of triscuits and the block of cheese and just eat it. This time I cut 8 small pieces of chesse and got 8 crackers and left everything else in the kitchen. This really helped me know when to stop and I didn't even want anymore, however if I would have had the box in front of me I would have ate and ate. Also I am kind of proud of myself. Tonight Chris and I went to taco bell and normally when I go to taco bell I get a chicken quesadilla and a grilled stuffed burrito and I may even eat a few nachos along with it (yeah I know what your thinking what a fat pig...and your right)...however today when we went I definitely wanted to order that but insted when Chris gordered his combo meals I just ate the 2 extra tacos fromt hem(this is HUGE for me). I obviously have a super long way to go but I feel like the steps I am taking are the right ones. I know there is a long road ahead but I can't turn back if I turn back what is there for me besides no children, no life, not being able to do anything, and even if I have kids what will I be able to do with them, so there is absolutely no turning back. Food cannot be worth the loss of life and living life! I have to come up with a plan of what I am going to do whenever I feel the urge to eat something that I'm not suppose to. For now that plan is journaling, reading the bible, possibly having the things portioned before putting them up and maybe I could grab that insted. I'm not quite sure yet but I have to figure it out in order for this to work for me. My husband as always is a great support. And I know that he loves me just the way I am. But yet again I say I don't love me right now and I hate the way I am. So this is day 2 of the rest of my life! CAn I handle it...Well I better be able to or I wont be around for the rest of my life! Keep on KEEPING ON!

So this kinda gives you an idea of where I started.
I'm not going to post all my old entries on here but if you are interested in reading them my old blog is weightlossjourney-trace.blogsp
ot.com/ you can read my journey up until I became pregnant in 2008. I then kinda stopped blogging and everything!
Here are some pics of me along the journey of my first 100lbs lost!




After losing 122 lbs I became pregnant with my son! I had a healthy baby boy however I gained 75 lbs throughout this pregnancy. After having him it took me 9 months to get back to losing weight but I did. I lost the 75 plus 15 more bringing me down to my all time low of 235...which I was ecstatic about being that I weighed 255 in 7th grade 235 was small for me! I then became pregnant again and gave birth to a precious healthy baby girl but during this pregnancy I again gained weight and climbed up to 298. I decided this time I was not waiting 9 months to start working on losing weight so I heard about Sparkpeople through a friend and signed up knowing that even though I had gone through the process before and knew how to lose it I needed the support this time around and the calorie tracker app on my phone seriously did it for me! So I started sparkpeople at 298 and dropped 40 really quickly but then I hit this wall of losing nothing for months. Then I started losing again but then would get off track and gain a bit....I was going up and down around 10lbs for a while but a couple weeks ago decided enough was enough and I was tired of being in this 10lb limbo in the upper 240's into the 250's. I buckled down. And I'm pretty proud of myself. I usually over the holidays make a goal of at least not gaining but maintaining but this year I said I was going to be one of the few peole who actually lose weight while out of town over thanksgiving weekend.....and....I DID IT! I lost 3 lbs which is good any week but its super good Thanksgiving week...woooohooo....I'm back on track and feeling great...I will be out of the 200's in no time! and my reward for that will be going on a cruise...I told the hubs to start saving up because its happening in 2012...and my ultimate goal is 172 which will make it an even 200lbs that I have lost and I will get there!

so just a reminder here is my pic of me at my heaviest....a whopping 372

and this is me today....at 241 with my wonderful hubby and 2 amazing babies.....on my way to be under 200!!!!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post