Am I responsible for DD's eating disorder?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Here's some irony for you. I joined SP this past January determined to get healthy. This would entail losing about 60 lbs. to have a normal BMI instead of the obese number I started with. Along the way I started eating healthier, cooking new recipes, working out. My DD & I are extremely close; she knew what I was doing and was very encouraging and proud of my progress. I counted calories on SP. She thought that was kind of cool so she joined SparkTeen and began to do the same. She, unlike me, had never had food issues nor had she ever been anything but slim and toned. She was always active, not one to sit on the couch watching tv like her potato mom.
So here we are, 10 months later. I'm in the normal BMI range finally. I'm about 4 lbs. from goal. Eating healthy & working out have become a regular routine. But I notice that DD is looking a little too thin. She used to have a bust which seems to have disappeared. I ask her to weigh herself & she's 99 lbs. when 2 months before she'd been a healthy 112.
Holy sh**! I've seen her eating but then I realize it's egg whites and plates of vegetables. We'd go to get frozen yogurt & she just gets samples instead of the big cup she used to fill. The next week she's 96.2 lbs. Obviously there's a big problem and we need help. I take DD to an eating disorder facility for an assessment and she is anorexic. Today she started an intensive 3 day a week outpatient program.
I still have some food issues. I grew up with many and wanted to spare my DD that. But has my journey to a healthier me lead to an unhealthier her? I feel very guilty that I could be responsible for DD developing an eating disorder. It's like being in the Twilight Zone. Now I cook 2 versions of foods, a low cal/low fat version for me & my mother and then I sneak ingredients in for a high cal/high fat version for DD.
DD knows and admits that she has a problem which is a big step. Many with eating disorders deny they need and refuse to get help. DD wants to get better but is really struggling because that means she'll have to gain weight.
Prayers and positive thoughts sent our way would be deeply appreciated. DD is such a wonderful, sweet, loving girl and I feel terrible that she's suffering. I know that we'll get through it (and on the bright side I told her she has her college essay topic!) It's just going to be tough for a while. She needs me by her side a lot which is why I haven't been able to Spark as much as I'd like to. And it's breaking my heart that I could have caused this.