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Finally I have peace of mind

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I'm doing a terrible job keeping up with this blog! I'm so sorry, my friends!

Okay, to catch you up on the latest, which is actually now all quite lovely. Yay! :0)

The last two weeks of October were really terrible. I suffered really badly from depression, which I think was mainly from not taking the right dosage of thyroid meds. Those of you with thyroid issues will know exactly what I'm talking about. Things that would kinda bother me normally ended up making me sob for hours on end, not being able to get out of bed for a couple days. It was truly terrible.

But then I picked myself up, got the right medication, started running again, and slowly but surely made my way back to the light.

Thank goodness.

A big help was that I finally found out why L didn't want to be with me. Here in Peru, and apparently a lot of Latin America, people don't tell you straight out what's up. You hear it from a mutual friend or family member, and apparently that's all you need. It's actually really fascinating process, but on the other side of that, really frustrating when you're American and ask the person who has the problem with you straight up what's going on but never get an honest response. Oh well, at least the truth is out there.

I was told it was because he felt he had nothing to offer, that basically he feels like a loser without a future, and that I'm so up *here* and he's so down *there*. Isn't that so sad that someone would think so negatively about himself? Oh well, there's nothing I can do about that except move on from here.

I tell you, it was a relief to finally know the truth, and it was oddly freeing and really boosted my self esteem. It was a positive experience to realize that no matter what I had done or could do, it wouldn't matter in the end because his thought process would've been the same. So it wasn't really me...it was him. I tell you, so much pressure was released from my spirit, and I feel like I'm finally set free to move on and be happy on my own.

I feel so much more at peace, and these past 2 weeks or so since I found out have been very quiet and calm. I've been working on my goals for however long I want to continue living here in Peru.

I start Spanish lessons again next week with a friend who's a former Spanish teacher. Yay! If that doesn't work out for whatever reason, then I'll register for classes at the school I took classes at when I first got here. I've just decided to make it work financially and work schedule-wise no matter what I have to do. Just do it, yeah? ;0)

After I get to a more comprehensive level of Spanish, I plan on signing up for classes at a university that offers a certificate in natural and complementary health. From what I can tell, it's an 8-month program, and among many other topics, I'll learn about acupuncture. So cool! I think that'll be a good test of my Spanish skills, as well as a way to learn more about Peruvian healthcare. Yay for both!!

Then it'll be up to me what I want to do next...maybe go into healthcare again full time or figure out how to teach medical anthropology here. I feel like I have a lot of options as long as I think creatively and put my mind to making it all happen.

So let's see, what else?

I've been running regularly, which has been so good for me to clear my thoughts and just get out and do something with myself. When I'm not teaching, I spend a lot of time resting in bed. Every so often I get on myself for not doing more, but really, I need the rest. October was not my best month health-wise, and in fact, I've not been so great health-wise since March. So now I'm taking more time to rest and take care of myself.

My weight has stayed the same for the past few weeks, which is fine with me right now. I'm pleased that it's steady, for that's much better than increasing!

So when I'm not teaching classes and resting, I'm out and about with friends, walking around the city and enjoying their company. I've had some drama with "friends" in the past month or so and really have found out who is a true friend and who is not here. It's been an interesting process and I'm taking it all in stride.

It's disappointing to find out how many people enjoy spreading gossip about me, but on the other end of that, it's been absolutely wonderful to hear who stands up for me regardless of whether I know these people or not.

Amazing how trust works here in Lima. If a person has trust in you, then her word is golden, so everyone she knows will trust you, too. It's really beautiful experience, and I feel so fortunate to be surrounded by people who see me for who I really am, flaws and all, and still think I'm a beautiful person inside and out. :0)

So I reported last month that I've been hanging out with some guy friends. This month I decided to be more open to dating just to see what happens.

I had a date a couple weeks ago though I didn't know it was an actual date until he made his move. jajaajaj That was a bit of a surprise because even though I'm super attracted to him, I thought we were safely in the friend zone as we both are getting over our relationships. Anyway, we had a talk and are back in the friend zone. For now.

I actually quite adore this guy, he's a former student and someone I've spent a LOT of time with over the past few months. He's proved to be a good friend to me and very open-minded about my Americaness, which is refreshing after the last couple Peruvians I was with. When he gets confused about my behavior, he takes time to reflect and realizes that I'm American, not Peruvian, so some things are just different, as in not good and not bad, just different with me. I love that he doesn't judge me and just accepts me for who I am. And I love spending time with him. When we talk in person or chat online, hours just pass in the blink of an eye, and I feel calm and peaceful with him. And he just told me over and over again last week how good he feels being with me. That was so lovely to hear and super genuine. So we will see what happens in the future!

In the meantime, I'm exploring other options. I went on a lunch date today with someone I had met back in July. He took me to this fantastic restaurant that offers a lunch buffet and for the first time since maybe I lived in San Diego, I ate a TON of veggies!! And a ton of chocolate, but really mostly veggies. I was so happy!! I'm super hungry now, but at least my belly was very pleased this afternoon. :0)

Anyway, we'll see where that leads, and if it ends up going anywhere, I'll be sure to report back.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue with this slow and easy pace because I love the feeling of calm that I have nowadays. It's my goal to keep a steady course and just do things that make me happy and at peace. No more drama.

I leave you with some pics of the past month! Enjoy!!! I'll be back again very soon, I promise!!!


A night out with friends, straight hair and all! :0)

Sadly, this is me in the midst of that awful depression...about to head out to make dinner at a friend's house

Halloween carving pumpkins with my friend's daughter

Ready for today's lunch date!

Excuse the mess, but I think I look so good nowadays! Yeah, my thighs are still thick, but whatever...not bad!! :0)

OMG I almost forgot to tell you...someone contacted my boss asking if I would consider modeling! I know, right? Crazy!! This guy's a famous dj here in Lima and does a lot of entertainment work. At first I was like, why me, I'm gorda (fat compared to most Peruvian women here in Lima) and middle aged (yes, 35 is considered middle-aged in Peru cos the life expectancy average is only 73!), but apparently I'm wanted for my, get this, "long nose." Apparently that makes for taking good portraits.

Well, whatever, as long as I get paid, I can do it. Within reason, of course. ;0) So we'll see what happens! I should know better than to get excited cos this is a Peruvian we're talking about and they love to talk a good game without much follow through. But who knows...??!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So glad to hear that you are getting a much needed break from the drama...

    Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. ~Max Ehrmann

    2412 days ago
    2412 days ago
    You look so good! At least you can never say life is boring lol! Enjoy!!!
    2412 days ago
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