INSEARCH4MYSELF

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thank you and good bye

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

yes. the day had finally arrived. yesterday marked a big day in my life. I've finally closed the door behind, I've made a decision, I have moved on.

I-have-purged-my-closet.

No more room or patience for XL or 2XL. No more space for size 16, 14 and whatever else could help me to fool myself that with stretchy pants and waist band I can get away with getting to an 18 and beyond. No more room for the pajamas that make me look 30 years older. No more room for all my FAT clothes that I kept "just in case." Just the fact that some of them I kept "just in case" shows that I had never really committed to become better, healthier me, that I - for whatever reason - needed to hold on to my cushion, and the clothes to accommodate it.

This morning I've felt lighter and happier, it felt like I had finally made a commitment to myself to become the best I could be, to be healthier, to be lighter. It feels like finally this has become a one way street, that I am done with lying to myself and am being honest with the one that matters the most for a change.

Tomorrow is the trash day. I am rolling my two bags out the door, and say good bye to all the clothes that served me through out so many years. I thank you for all you have done to me, for helping me to pretend when I needed to be in denial, for hiding what I needed to hide, for keeping me safe. I will not donate you as most of you served your lifetime in my prison, and those that still had few uses under the belt - I don't want to pass my pain and suffering unto others. This is it. This is your final trip, from the garage to the curb, and tomorrow someone will find you and put you into the track for your final destination. This is a good bye, this is where we part, this is where we go our separate ways, this is where u r becoming trash and I am becoming healthy me.

Thank you and good bye!
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