Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Seriously thinking about my health. Not really doing well. Knowing what I have to do but making too many excuses and being lazy! I really do not want any sympathy I just wanted to write out how I am feeling...trying to figure out what exactly is my problem and how to overcome it. So, I started out the beginning of the year and did so well and then lost momentum. I know I need to push myself to continue. So why am I not doing it? I could say that I have been too busy, or that I dont have support, or a million other reasons but in the end if I wanted it bad enough then I would have it right? No matter how busy I get or if I do or dont have support! If I want it I would do it. So apparantly I dont want it? Or is it that I dont want it bad enough? Is it that I am not loving myself enough? Do I not think I am worth it? Tough questions to ask yourself. Still they need to be asked. I cannot sit by anymore and just eat myself to death. I feel like total CRAP!!! All around Gina!!! My body aches...from head to toe! Too much weight. I have gained every last pound back and probably then some but I have not been able to muster up the courage to get on the scale to know for sure. My clothes are getting too tight and I am not comfortable in my own skin. I am not even comfortable around the people that I am usually most comfortable with. This "fatness" is constantly on my mind. Con-stant-ly!!! I am feeling the way I did before I got started last year which is possibly encouraging yet at the same time I am scared of letting myselft down again and failing. What is my frickin problem?! Get it together! You can do this and you know this because you already were doing it. You just gave up on yourself. I know this is what I want. I just have to figure out how to say "NO I dont want to eat that" and not eat "it". So frickin simple right? Dammit get it together Gina!!! I know I am stronger than this. I am when it comes to virtually any other thing than "this". So why should this be any exception. Stop making excuses and just frickin do it Gina!!! Even if I hate stupid frickin baby steps do SOMETHING!!! DO NOT JUST SIT AND SIT AND EAT AND SIT AND DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not who I want to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care of yourself!!! Water and exercise...lets start there. Lug that treadmill out of the shed...plug it in and use it....drink some water while youre at it!!!