Why I'm afraid of the gym
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Ever since I can remember I've had pretty severe social anxiety. Sometimes just going to the grocery store was too much to handle. I always felt like people were looking at me (not for any reason in particular) so I would wear those huge sunglasses...inside of the store...at night. It felt like I was invisible. Recently I've felt slightly better and my son broke my sunglasses so I haven't been doing that. Also, I realized people are a lot more likely to stare at the idiot wearing sunglasses indoors than just a random chick shopping for produce. Ah...rambling....this is going somewhere I promise!
I really want to join a gym. I never though we would have the money to before, but it's starting to look like it might be possible within the next few months. I even found a free 3-day pass online for our local gym. I really am anxious about it. I feel like I won't know what's going on or where anything is and i'll look stupid. What if I can't figure out the settings on the treadmill or how to use a machine? What if I don't know where to put my stuff or ask too many stupid questions? The thought of actually going there makes me want to cry a little.
On the other hand, I feel like I would get such a great workout at a gym. Just being able to use a treadmill and not run in the cold and rain would be worth it! I really feel like i would get my moneys worth there, so why am I freaking out?
So here's the question I pose to my sparkbuddies and anyone else who might be reading this...have you gone through something similar? what did you do to get through it? PLEASE if you have any advice let me know
i feel like such a goofball for making such a big deal about something so small but for anyone else who has anxiety you know what I'm talking about. I used to just take a xanax in this situation but alas, I have no health insurance and besides, I'm through with that crap. OVER, DONE, MOVING ON!
On a lighter note, today I weighed in at 130, which means I officially lost 40 pounds. 7 months it took me but it was so worth it!
love you Sparkfriends! Have an awesome Wednesday!