11/06: See Tink Eat

Sunday, November 06, 2011

I have stumbled upon a pattern. I overate in calories today. Not a lot but enough that it bothered me. I went back through the past few weeks and looked to make sure, but it was there for all to see.
I have to explain a little.
My sister is tiny. I don't mean slender, or thin, I mean tiny. She's five foot, a hundred pounds. Her frame is what you think of when you hear dainty or frail. She's Tinkerbell. She wears a size zero and has her belly button pierced even though she's over thirty and has a kid. To add insult, she eats like a lumberjack the day after Lent. It's unbelievable (and a little scary).
I won't pretend that it hasn't taken me years to accept this. I'm there and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I could snap her into tinier pieces if I wanted to. I also know that I am far more fit despite being, literally, twice her size.
The pattern I was speaking of was that every time I am around her, I eat. I consume more calories and those calories are not the healthiest. There is lots of sugary sweets, high fat fast food, and soda. I was at her house Thursday, Friday, and Sunday and I also clocked a gain in weight for the first time in two months.
So what to do? She is the only family I have. She's not going to change. I have tried, talking to her until I'm blue in the face, but she doesn't understand and doesn't want to. It's irritating; it's frustrating; it's the way it's always going to be.
But I can't continue to go around her and make self destructive choices. I know that I am responsible for what I put in my mouth, but all that stuff about mirroring is true. I see her eat a Big Mac and I can't live without a Big Mac. I never drink soda, but at her house everyone drinks Mountain Dew.
I know that the right decision is to make sure I am prepared when I go there. I should eat a healthy meal before I go, pack safe snacks and my water, and mentally prepare myself for the atmosphere that I'm about to enter. I have to remember that I am responsible for what I eat. I'm hoping that making myself aware of the pattern and creating a solution, I can stop this destructive behavior. Wish me luck!
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