Scared

Six months ago I came out of hiding only to go back to hiding.

I had a good run with the 6 week challenge. I spent most of the summer in the low 150s- even getting back to 150. I was doing well and then life happened: with-in one week's time my mother had a major surgery to remove a cancerous tumor, my uncle had a heart attack and open-heart surgery, then my best friend's father died suddenly. In the middle of it all I developed a cough that still hasn't gone away...

I've had this cough since August 22nd. Antibiotics and steroids haven't helped. I'm exhausted. I've been having trouble sleeping. I can't exercise because I can't breathe. I had a chest x-ray Friday. I'm hoping they'll figure out what is wrong with me.

Also, since late August I've been eating and drinking sugar. Comfort foods and drinks: soy lattes, iced and hot teas with sugar, apple cider, cliff bars, and oatmeal with brown sugar. And then there are the cough drops! It doesn't sound awful on paper, but the calories add up. I've gained nearly 20 pounds. I was 150 mid-August. Today I'm 168.8. Yikes!

I'm scared. I can't seem to snap out of this funk. I hate the way I look. I've never been this big. I had to go to the store and spend several hundred dollars on new clothes so I had something to wear to work.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to get back on ETL and back to the gym once I'm better. I'm not getting better. I think the key is to start eating right to heal my body. The gym is out of the question for now, but I can control what I put in my mouth.

The problem is the cough drops. The coughing is uncontrolable without them, but they contain sugar. :-( I guess I just need to limit my other sugar intake.

I took some "before" photos today. I’ve been trying repeatedly to post them, but Spark won’t let me. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get them up soon. Still, I NEVER want to look like I do today again! It’s time to get the scale moving DOWN!