Return of the Kung Fu Klutz
Friday, November 04, 2011
Yesterday I was feeling pretty down and discouraged. I did go back to Kung Fu after I just missed the last two classes. We had a good workout:we did medicine ball situps, which were wicked hard - but I noticed the teenage blue belt I was partnered up with seemed to struggle with them almost as much as I, so I felt ok about it. We did drills where we had to leap from a standing position and then drop and do a pushup where we stood, then repeat until we reached the end of the room - the reasoning being, the longer you leap, the less push-ups you'll end up doing. Ok, so I did like a million push-ups because this white girl can't jump, but I was so happy because the last time we did those in class, I was so sore from the previous class that I could not jump AT ALL and had to sit out of the exercise. I viewed it as progress.
And then there was the forms....ah, Black Tiger form, I love you so but you treat me so bad...I finally, finally learned the entire form - at least a rough approximation of the steps, so now I just have to tweak it. Sifu had us line up and perform our forms one at a time in front of the class. Being the newest student and the lowest rank, I always go last. So I sat there, watching the others, trying to concentrate on what they were doing so I could learn from them. When someone else did Black Tiger I watched very closely, trying to soak up more of it before my turn. Finally, once everyone else had gone, it was my turn and I had worked myself into a nervouse wreck - I so badly wanted to show Sifu that I could do the whole form because I had not performed it in front of the class yet.
There I was, going along, remembering all the moves and thinking "I'm doing OK!" - then....then, I went from one position to the other, and the next thing I knew, I was planted firmly on my butt, legs criss-crossed like I had suddenly just decided to take a rest. I tripped over my own feet, in the middle of the form, in front of everyone in the class...and Sifu. Everyone stayed silent though (except for the female teacher who kindly asked if I was ok - I hope she didn't take it personally when I gruffly grunted "I'm OK, I'm fine"), and I picked myself up and re-started where I left off, and finished the form. Sifu explained to me how my footing was wrong which was why I tripped myself, and my friend Barb showed me the correct footing after class.
After the I finished, I was a little bit sad, felt a little bit like crying, but what I noticed was missing was the complete and utter sense of humiliation that I have felt before when embarassing myself in public. I know I'm clumsy, and I still feel like I look like "She-Hulk SMASH" next to the other students, but I feel safe there...safe to screw up and pick myself up to try again. It feels kinda good....plus it kinda helped that my BFF was there observing the class and she told me when we talked about it this morning that I looked really graceful (Moi??) when I went down and for a minute she thought it was just part of the form, that I was going to go into some fancy headroll thing, lol. I guess it helps that I fell directly into a sitting position instead of collapsing on the floor in a heap. I know she's my BFF and probably just being nice to me, but I am going to take it and run.
SO, even though I am still battling my crap-food backslide and fighting off the rest of this cold, I got a good workout and pulled my usual Chevy Chase routine...I'm starting to feel the fire again and all is still right with the world.