Notes to Self

Friday, November 04, 2011

Every time I open the pantry (or fridge or go to the grocery store or go anywhere where there is food), certain foods generate an immediate reaction when I see them. (This morning it was Cheese Nips.) I see the container and can taste the food right then and there. My brain goes immediately to "Yum! They're so good!" and the box isn't even open.

This tells me that I have an unusual connection to food. Certain foods prompt a physical sensation before the foods even hit my mouth. Many times I have acted on these impulses. There is little thinking involved, only acting.

This is why I am fat.

Unfortunately, healthy foods don't prompt the same impulses. I don't see broccoli or apples and react with, "Yum! Gotta have some!"

Again, this is why I am fat.

While I have had some success with keeping certain foods out-of-sight-out-of-mind, I don't live in a vacuum. The impulses are always there. So I need to deal with them in some constructive ways.

I'm not sure what that looks like yet. It's been more than three years and I haven't figured this out.

This is why I am fat.

At root is that healthier options do not appeal to me - at all. I don't look at a Cheese Nip and get any satisfaction from eating a carrot in its place. I don't feel victorious or even remotely satisfied while eating a carrot. I feel cheated, like I am completely missing out on something.

I am a smart person and KNOW that the carrot is a healthier option. That alone should prompt some sense of satisfaction. But it doesn't. That's just how it is - for me.

So, given the fact that my impulses can overrule my good sense, I need to do two things:

1. I need to talk back to the unhealthy food and tell it it can NOT provide me with all the pleasantness I have ascribed to it. I have given it way too much power and it's time for me to look at if for what it is - crap. I might still get warm and fuzzy when I see it but it's time for me to grow up and move on. It ain't "all that."

2. I need to disconnect feelings from food altogether. Healthy or not, food is food. For me to have a healthy relationship with it, I need to remove the emotion from it. There are far better places to experience emotions than at the opening of a pantry or fridge door.

This is a lot like being a teen and attracted to the "bad boy." Dating the bad boy was fun for a little while but he made me feel uneasy and unsure about myself in the end. His intentions were less than noble and my excitement was fleeting at best. I was never good at making the right choices because my impulses ruled my intelligence.

This is why I am fat.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    First...your physical and emotional response to food isn't you can see by what we're all posting here. You are not an aberration. There's nothing WRONG with you. We all experience this.

    Second...for myself, the only way to keep myself from over-indulging my emotional response to certain foods is to eliminate the food from my house. If its in my presence, I will eat it.

    AND...once its out of my house, I found that I could try to make those undesirable foods more desirable. For instance...I hate carrots. But, cooked with some savory spices and a little olive oil or Smart Balance Light (very little) in my microwave for a few minutes, I came to appreciate them.

    I have discovered that I am not willing to separate myself from the emotions that food evoke for me. I LOVE food. I LOVE to eat. I LOVE the feelings that food and meal-times evoke for me. Its all comfort and love and peace. And, frankly, I don't care to spend time/energy trying to figure out why...or to deny it.

    What I can do, though, is focus on finding ways to make healthier options part of that love fest.

    Sorry to make this about me. Your blog was wonderful Bev and really made me take a look at my own relationship with food. And I LOVE the "bad boy" analogy.

    Keep working through it will find the key soon.
    2418 days ago
    You are not the only one who salivates at the sight, or mere thought, of certain foods. We ALL do! We have been conditioned to do it and it is an involuntary response at this point, so you're right, we just need to figure out what to do next.

    All the reason and logic in the world will not change that conditioned response, so dig deep for some emotional connection and start to attach it to the physical one. Cheese nips? Tight pants. Brownies? Bloated stomach pain. Chocolate Chips? Split pants (in public!)... I think you get my drift.

    Easier said than done, but I'll try if you will!
    2419 days ago
  • NAVYMOM133
    I just experienced this last weekend during the Nor'easter, and committed that if I'm going to be so dense, then I'll get back to being nutrient-dense! I put on SIX pounds of water weight in two days, and now I know, through physiology class, just how bad that is for me!!

    But we had a "big storm coming in October"!!! Woo-Hoo!!
    Out of the Ordinary time - let's EAT JUNK!!! GAH! Just like when we took vacation; ate like crap for two days before I smartened up!

    I know exactly what you mean about the lack-luster appreciation when I want to reach for something, and know it needs to be healthy. Most days, it's a conscious battle to eat well but I know that the more days I can put between myself and my last sugar/salt/processed binge, the easier it gets. Not thrilling, but easier.

    I believe in you! I am so glad you're here!!! emoticon
    2419 days ago
    I hear you, I went grocery shopping hungry last night! emoticon Everything looked so good. I started in produce and worked my way mainly around the outer edges of the store trying not to go near those things that make my mouth water. I saw a woman carefully picking out tangerines and thought "well those look awfully good". So I put three in a bag. When loading my car, knowing I had to make one more stop before I could head home, I grabbed one of those tangerines and ate it while driving. Now it was good, but it wasn't as good as some of the things I've been known to eat on the way home from grocery shopping. However, the feeling of being stronger than those unhealthy choices made me very proud and motivates me to continue on this track.
    Good Luck!
    2419 days ago
    Well! I can defiently relate to this!!! I believe you have hit all of us who read this right where it hurts!!

    I haven't read Blogs for quite a while! This one fits so well..
    I also know for me it's the slump I'm in.. trying to find myself again!!

    Thank you for being so Open & honest emoticon
    2419 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by SORGIN