RPBURRJR

SparkPoints
 

Preaching is Easy, Practicing is Hard

Thursday, November 03, 2011

I have been working diligently to get on the message boards and the blogs to encourage others. I feel like the more I prop others up the more I will build myself up with them. And that is what Spark is really all about for me. I have been telling everyone that allows random people to post on their page to keep positive and build off of their successes. I have stressed that they need to learn from their mistakes and not let one misstep ruin their day or week or month. Just because you falter once doesn't mean that the day is ruined and you have to start all over again tomorrow. That is the mistake I have made too many times and it is what led me to where I am now, with serious health concerns and the possibility of more every time I turn around. Spark feels like it is my best chance to make lifelong changes to my habits in order to be healthy and give myself and my wife (and God willing, one day my children) a chance at a long life.

But old habits die hard.

I look at myself in the mirror after taking a shower and all I see are rolls of flab hanging over each other. I keep hearing that voice in my head telling me that I need to get a McRib (or if he has his way more than one) or to go to Hardee's for lunch and not eat the tuna on the whole wheat bread. I go to the store to get groceries and have to make myself walk past the cookies and the Doritos. But it takes me a while, and for some reason I always linger in the aisles as that little voice tries every trick it can think of to justify getting that big bag of Cool Ranch and that package of fudge covered graham crackers.

I know that I am not going to lose 30 lbs in a week or two weeks, I know that since I see it every day that I am not going to be able to see the small changes that are happening to me. I still feel motivated to go to the gym, but when I get home the voice keeps telling me that I've earned a couple of "Fun Sized" Snickers bars because I spent time on the treadmill. And he gets his wins. And then I look at myself, that fat guy who still can't stop himself from eating candy even though he is a big fat blob of goo and I try REALLY hard to remind myself that a misstep doesn't mean failure. But as much as I can tell you that on your page my brain doesn't want to hear it. My pride doesn't want to believe it. And the voice gets a little louder and tells me that I am never going to beat him.

I know it is silly, but I am having a really hard time accepting my own truths. And I am having an even harder time letting myself get better because as much as I know that I am not going to wake up in the morning and be at my goal weight I need to see SOMETHING to show me that it is working. I am getting to the point where I am tired of the fight because I don't feel like I am winning, even though everything on here tells me that I am doing it the right way.

I'll feel better tomorrow, but I'll feel this way again in a few days. I'll catch myself sitting in a way where my stomach is sitting there and I feel like I look like Jabba The Hutt.

Maybe I can convince Wifey to put on a Slave Leia outfit...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PRNCSCUP1-2FULL
    As others have said ahead of me here.... You are certainly not alone! Those foods call my name too! I gained almost 10 pounds just since summer ended! It is a drag! I felt like giving up, but I didn't! I want instant success, but know it won't happen. But, in teaching my cardio belly dance class yesterday one of the ladies told me that my butt looked really good.... Had I lost weight? I laughed! I thanked her, but told her I had actually gained weight, but maybe things were tighter than they used to be! Just curious.... Did your wife agree to play Princess Leah to your Jaba? Good luck on your journey!
    2424 days ago
  • SUSAN134
    Ron, so many of us (in fact, I bet well over 90% of us that are here) go through the very same thoughts that are plaguing you. Kind of comforting really, to realize that you are not alone (and I don't mean that 'misery loves company' is good LOL). My inner voices are constantly telling me that one chocolate bar will not hurt, that I can put off my exercising until tomorrow - and it is a struggle not to give in to them. Like you, I find that sparking here, not just with the friends I have but on new blogs, etc., does really help. And in many cases, it gets me over that hump and back to feeling like things are right with the world (even if not my waistline) again!

    You CAN do this! I CAN do this!

    emoticon
    2424 days ago
  • RPBURRJR
    Thank you both. One of the reasons I really feel like I am going to succeed this time in making life changes is because of the love and support I get from Spark and more importantly from the people who make up Spark. If I can help someone else along the way that is even better.
    2426 days ago
  • DOODIE59
    We all hear you, and we've all been there. The easiest way to keep going is to really adopt your new healthier behaviours as a lifestyle change, and not a diet, which implies short term processes.

    Lifestyle change may be slower to show its mark on you, but you will feel better all along. I know it doesn't show the same way on overweight people, but fitness is fitness, and your heart, lungs and muscles will thank you. Exercise also works out stress, and negative feelings, and once you get into hard enough workouts you will even benefit from the famous "upper" effects of the endorphins:)

    As weight loss inevitably slows down, I look to other markers of improvement in my life -- are you sleeping better, feeling less, er, crappy? Putting high octane fuel in the tank is its own reward even when it doesn't show on the scale.

    I weighed myself once a week, and when I plateaued, I set a new set of goals for the following week so as not to stress about numbers. What can you control? If not the scale, then tackle one extra day of exercise or a run of 7 fruit/veggie days ... anything to remind you that you are in charge of the direction your health is taking.

    You sound like sugar is one of your demons. It is entirely mine, and a fall off the wagon takes weeks and weeks to reign in (and always results in weight gain). I am finally accepting the fact that this will be one fight I'm in for the rest of my life. That's OK. Knowledge is power.

    Sorry for all the cliches:) --oh, one more: Remember -- this is not a race, it is a journey to better health, and your gift to YOU. (That's two, I know.)

    Hang in there:)
    Deirdre


    2426 days ago
  • JACQUELINE3X
    Thank you for sharing some of the same truths that many will never venture to share... The every day struggles of not only the body but the mind. Continue To Fight The Good Fight.
    2426 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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