Preaching is Easy, Practicing is Hard
Thursday, November 03, 2011
I have been working diligently to get on the message boards and the blogs to encourage others. I feel like the more I prop others up the more I will build myself up with them. And that is what Spark is really all about for me. I have been telling everyone that allows random people to post on their page to keep positive and build off of their successes. I have stressed that they need to learn from their mistakes and not let one misstep ruin their day or week or month. Just because you falter once doesn't mean that the day is ruined and you have to start all over again tomorrow. That is the mistake I have made too many times and it is what led me to where I am now, with serious health concerns and the possibility of more every time I turn around. Spark feels like it is my best chance to make lifelong changes to my habits in order to be healthy and give myself and my wife (and God willing, one day my children) a chance at a long life.
But old habits die hard.
I look at myself in the mirror after taking a shower and all I see are rolls of flab hanging over each other. I keep hearing that voice in my head telling me that I need to get a McRib (or if he has his way more than one) or to go to Hardee's for lunch and not eat the tuna on the whole wheat bread. I go to the store to get groceries and have to make myself walk past the cookies and the Doritos. But it takes me a while, and for some reason I always linger in the aisles as that little voice tries every trick it can think of to justify getting that big bag of Cool Ranch and that package of fudge covered graham crackers.
I know that I am not going to lose 30 lbs in a week or two weeks, I know that since I see it every day that I am not going to be able to see the small changes that are happening to me. I still feel motivated to go to the gym, but when I get home the voice keeps telling me that I've earned a couple of "Fun Sized" Snickers bars because I spent time on the treadmill. And he gets his wins. And then I look at myself, that fat guy who still can't stop himself from eating candy even though he is a big fat blob of goo and I try REALLY hard to remind myself that a misstep doesn't mean failure. But as much as I can tell you that on your page my brain doesn't want to hear it. My pride doesn't want to believe it. And the voice gets a little louder and tells me that I am never going to beat him.
I know it is silly, but I am having a really hard time accepting my own truths. And I am having an even harder time letting myself get better because as much as I know that I am not going to wake up in the morning and be at my goal weight I need to see SOMETHING to show me that it is working. I am getting to the point where I am tired of the fight because I don't feel like I am winning, even though everything on here tells me that I am doing it the right way.
I'll feel better tomorrow, but I'll feel this way again in a few days. I'll catch myself sitting in a way where my stomach is sitting there and I feel like I look like Jabba The Hutt.
Maybe I can convince Wifey to put on a Slave Leia outfit...