This morning, after I posted my POA blog, I started to get Kaylee and I ready for the day. I was in Kaylee's room and getting her changed, when I heard my DH say something. I asked him what he said, and he said he couldn't find his black pants. I said they were on the floor in the pile of pants he has next to his side of the bed.
Quick backstory: They were always in the closet on top next to my pants. He has a habit of going through them and throwing them aside on top of mine. I can't stand that, but instead of asking him to put his pants back where they were, I decided to set them next to his bed so they'd be easier to go through. I hadn't told him this yet (I just did this yesterday).
So....he then lets out a frustrated grunt, and I ask him what's wrong, and he proceeds to say how he has spent 5 minutes he DIDN'T have on looking for his pants. Okay, I said I was sorry that I hadn't told him about it. My bad.
While he was taking his shower, I go in, and weigh myself. I am up to 172.8. I was fine with that because I know I have been doing great and that this is probably water bloat from my period. DH asks me what it says, and I'm not gonna lie, so I told him. He gives me an incredulous look, so I got a bit defensive, and told him that it was probably bloat. I mean, my clothes are fitting great, I was 170.8 yesterday, 170 the day before, and 168.4 the day before that (Halloween). I know water retention when I see it. Also, I have been in my ranges every day, but yesterday was in the top part of my ranges, with most of my calories at dinner time. Plus, I'm a bit constipated (sorry for any TMI there).
But, I really didn't think I had to explain it all, nor did I think he had the time for it, so I went back to getting ready to bring Kaylee to daycare. Then, I hear him say, "So, you finished off the ice cream, huh?"
Okay. He hasn't been home all week, but for to sleep. He has been super busy, like I said in this morning's blog. But this was a smaller (half gallon) container of light vanilla ice cream. Over the last 5 days, not to forget the huge bowl he had himself, Kaylee and I have been having ice cream cones for dessert. 1/2 cup each. There was 1 night I had 1-1/2 cups, because I had the calories available and I wanted a bit more. Boohoo. It just sounded to me like he was insinuating that I had a nice little binge on ice cream and that was why I had a weight gain on the scale this morning. So, I told him the above, how it was eaten.
I then went off on him a little bit, because you know what? I was crabby too. My back was killing me, I had been up late working with overtime, I was up early with my little girl, he hasn't been home and I have been MISSING him, damnit, and for the few minutes I see him he is acting like I can do no RIGHT! And I said that in much few words.
He then said, sarcastically, "WELL, goodbye" and left.
This left me angry and sad.
SO, I wrote him an email this morning explaining my side of things better, and I also apologized for my reaction. Like I told him, my reaction this morning was like the reaction I have when I have done bad and don't want to admit it so I act defensive and deny any wrongdoing.
Except this time I did nothing wrong. How am I supposed to react when I did nothing wrong yet there is still a gain on the scale? I am just out of my element. And it has been an hour since I sent that email. I just don't know where he is right now with his mood, his headspace....and really how upset or frustrated he is with me.
This sucks. I know I am overreacting to all of this, but yet I can't just turn my feelings off or internalize them. I know how that ends, and I can't risk that. SO,...here's my vent...my NOT so quick vent.
Thanks for listening, Sparkland.
P.S. I am grateful, truly grateful for him. But this morning? He was a punk.