November! Success or self sabotage?
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
I always feel so hopeful and fresh on the first day of the month. Like I can achieve any goal I set. Today I am starting an eating plan to jump start my final weight loss push. I am so close to my goal. I am easily fitting into size 4 - yes 4!! jeans and my summer shorts are all too big. They are mostly size 6. I never thought I would say that!
I found myself slacking off in the healthy eating department recently, and wondered why. Why do I sabotage my efforts? I exercise, consistently. Why would I do anything to keep me from reaching my final goal? I see that there is some excess body fat, so I think my goal is realistic, its less than 10 pounds away. Is it because I don't want it? Don't think I deserve it? Am afraid of succeeding? I really don't know.
I have been feeling kind of sad that my DH is so unlike me in this regard. His health and weight are not good right now. It seems that he has given up on the idea of ever attaining a healthy weight. I serve decent healthy meals which my son and I enjoy, and he eats the protein and starch and basically ignores the vegetables except for the salad. Then after dinner he goes right back to the kitchen to help himself to whatever snack he wants, it could be ice cream (rarely) or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or cookies or pistachios. I do not want to outlaw any foods, perhaps with the exception of potato chips which I cannot resist!
Because he is unhealthy, must I be too? Is that what my problem is? I know better. But I also know my heart is deeply saddened by the state of our marriage. I want so much in life, including a great love life, relationship - in all ways. I want to enjoy my partner. When it comes to fun activities out doors, he always says no. No to kayaking, canoeing, walking, anything except for work. This is really bothering me, more than it used to. I wonder why I chose a mate who wants to sit. sit. sit. blech.
The other part of me says love him just as he is. That is what I believe we all should do. It is so much easier to say these things than it is to live them. Mom always said charity begins at home. This is part of that, we need to treat our loved ones the best, and sadly sometimes it just is not that way. And I do love him. But enjoy him? Not much lately. God what is thy will?
So here is my plan for me for November. Follow the 17 day diet plan - this plan allows for only lean protein, fruits and veggies, green tea and lots of salads for the first 17 days. That brings me right up to the week of Thanksgiving. I love that time of year and look forward to enjoying a hearty healthy meal with my family - DD will be home from college for almost a week, and son will be off school too. When I finish those first 17 days I know I will enjoy starches again, but in moderation and cooked in a healthy style.
Exercise will continue - 3 x per week at Curves for boot camp/weight training, Zumba practice and class, jogging and running the Key Largo Bridge 5K, with perhaps some biking and swimming as time permits. Exercise really helps to keep my mind and mood happy and serene. It is a huge stress buster. I cannot live with out it!
As far as my plans for my DH and me, I will continue to ask God to show me the way. His will not mine be done.