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Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Embrace the core sadness of life without toppling headlong into it, or assuming it will define your days. The real trick is to let life, with all its ordinary missteps and regrets, be consistently more mysterious and alluring than its end.
-- Gail Caldwell, from Let's Take the Long Way Home: a memoir of friendship

Thank you dear SparkFriends for noticing my gloom and showering me with your loving thoughts. I continue to struggle. I'm oddly resistant to using the resources I've learned over the years of spiritual practices -- of being kind to myself -- though I WILL slosh through this. Please, please excuse my dearth of SparkParticipation.

This morning I completed preparation of a bountiful vegetarian stew, as well as sauteing a big skillet of kale and turnip greens in olive oil with onion and garlic. I also cut up a late-harvest watermelon a friend grave me from her garden. I have lots of salad fixins' in the frig as well. So I'm set with wonderful "medicine" for the body. I struggle with consistency in aerobic exercise which I still have to figure out, but have managed to continue my strength training streak.

I have also been remiss in feeding the mind via meditation, which I will slide back into easefully and gradually.

As for food for the spirit, Billy Collins lights up my "November heart" with the days growing darker.

Tahquamenon Falls, Lake Superior


After three days of steady rain -
over two inches said the radio -
I follow the example of monks
who write by a window, sunlight on the page.

Five times this morning,
I loaded a wheelbarrow with wood
and steered it down the hill to the house,
and later I will cut down the dead garden

with clippers and haul the soft pulp
to a grave in the woods,
but now there is only
my sunny page which is like a poem

I am covering with another poem
and the dog asleep on the tiles,
her head in her paws,
her hind legs played out like a frog.

How foolish it is to long for childhood,
to want to run in circles in the yard again,
arms outstretched,
pretending to be an airplane.

How senseless to dread whatever lies before us
when, night and day, the boats,
strong as horses in the wind,
come and go,

bringing in the tiny infants
and carrying away the bodies of the dead.

~ Billy Collins ~
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hello my darling Maha! I've missed you so in my flurry of activity here in SW FL during the busiest time of the year. Know that the pendulum always swings back up after it completes the cycle of it's low...hugs to you..we care for each other always! emoticon emoticon emoticon You are a precious human...know that you are loved muchly! emoticon
    2413 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/13/2011 6:52:33 PM
    emoticon emoticon Bless you Maha!
    2418 days ago
    emoticon I think it impossible to eat watermelon and cry at the same time.

    For a moment, I hope that when you are eating yours that your inner child is giggling and feeling silly.

    Sending you fuzzbuckets!
    2420 days ago
    You have introduced me to a new author. I will look up more of his work for more "delicious" words.

    Bless you my friend . . . as always, Jan

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2421 days ago
    I adore Billy Collins. (And you, too, dear!)

    Some of my favorites of his: Some Questions About Angels ... Three Wishes ... The Lanyard ... gosh. If I could only read one poet, it would be him. (apologies to your dearest Mary Oliver. And of course to Rumi.)

    Matters of the spirit have seasons of their own, I think. Perhaps this is your fall ... where you begin storing up energy to last you through a time of stillness. Or not! Only time will tell. But I trust in your wisdom to know exactly how to treat yourself thru this. Looks like you have plenty of love surrounding you here!!
    2422 days ago
    How i would love to have you here again mi amiga. Anytime...te amo mucho. Be blessed. emoticon
    2424 days ago
    I haven't been of much support and I apologize. I've been off in my own little world creating pottery for 'tis the season.
    Sending buckets of good vibes your way!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2424 days ago
    Thinking of you, my dear friend. We've both been so very busy! Know that I join you in a strength training streak. This week will be 5 weeks of full body strength training twice weekly. I hope to increase that to 3x, with a weekend at home session that is only core and upper body.

    So sorry that you're struggling ... sometimes we just have to let ourselves move through it as best we can. As we both know, this too shall pass ... as does everything (both good and bad) eventually.

    Sending you love, light and warmth ...

    2424 days ago
    Sorry you are suffering a sadness of spirit. It never ceases to amaze me how my mind 'screams' what's right, but my body and soul refuse to listen. Maybe that's my problem... I need to train my mind to gently influence the rest of my being?

    Namaste my friend - sending warm and soothing thoughts your way.
    2425 days ago
    Even at your spiritual nadir I never cease to be amazed and more aware than I was before reading your posts, 'Maha. So spiritually challenged am I...! Thank you for allowing us to enter your world with you as much as you do!

    And as you can see by such an outpouring from our SparkFamily we are all just SO with you through thick & thin!

    2425 days ago
    Wrapping you in everlasting arms of Love, full of pure white energy. Sometimes we just have to sit in the stew and marinate awhile before coming out on the other side.
    2425 days ago
    I love the Billy Collins poem. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the strength training and hang in there.
    2425 days ago
    Hang in there . . . and I'm hanging in there with ya, for sure. At our age and stage we've been through tough times before, and although we may not like it while we're slogging through it, we KNOW that we'll get to the other side of it. Eventually. Just not fast enough. But eventually.
    2425 days ago
    I am so sorry that your life's path continues to churn on in a way that is sad and frustrating for you. I wish there was a way I could lift up your spirits. I know from experience, that there are times that it is so hard to follow the spiritual teaching and practices than most of the time support and nurture us.

    November is always the month where I struggle most with living in the moment and cherishing each day. It is the month where I have suffered some of my deepest and most devastating losses. I mention this because these are the times when it is most challenging to applying the lessons of spiritual practice to our own lives.

    Your stew sounds delicious... I wish I could join you for dinner and bring some blackberry cobbler.

    Sending love to you.

    2425 days ago
  • SUNNY332
    "I like spring, but it is too young. I like summer, but it is too proud. So I like best of all autumn, because its tone is mellower, its colours are richer, and it is tinged with a little sorrow. Its golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, nor the power of summer, but of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age. It knows the limitations of life and its content."
    - Lin Yutang

    Medication and Journaling are a great way to get back in touch with yourself and the desires of your heart. You are on you own path but sharing it with us. We will be here walking this journey with you, my friend.

    Hugs, Sunny

    BTW - the book arrived today. The wrapping was torn and it looks to have had a little bit of water damage but other than this, it's story is in tack and waiting for me to read it. Thank you so much!

    2425 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/1/2011 5:35:18 PM
  • BELOVE2013
    You are a consistent source of encouragent to me and never cease to lift me up. For that, I'm grateful. Thank YOU for being such a great person.
    2426 days ago
    It sounds like you are in an emotional autumn, dropping your summer foliage and stripping down to bare branches for the winter....I've been there! We probably all have, in our own way. I guess our inner fires need time to burn low for a while; they can't burn bright and fierce all the time....

    This time of year, I find it very helpful to burn some candles, make a hot drink, curl up with a cozy afghan, phone someone I really love -- do everything I can to warm my heart. I hope your heart is warm and cozy. I'm sending you much love.
    2426 days ago
    That reminds me a tad of the old song, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

    So November is gloomy, and the seas are stormy. It's true. The leaves and color disappear and any beauty that comes from snow is not here yet.

    But it has one awesome, kick-bun difference from all the other months. And the other months are SOOOO jealous.

    'Cause November ends with Thanks. :)
    2426 days ago
    You are nothing short of amazing.
    2426 days ago
  • DEBRA0818
    Spiritual practices are easiest when things are good but most difficult for me when things are difficult. Over the years I've discovered that it is easy for me to approach God with gratitude but very hard to to tell Him I am sad, angry, depressed, frustrated, etc. It is as if I feel ashamed of my negative feelings, like they shouldn't exist! Sometimes I think they are a commentary on how good I am at "getting it," sometimes I don't feel I deserve to feel them since I live in the midst of abundance, but all this just pulls me further away from the Divine Light that sees all of me and loves. I hope that your struggles land you smack in the middle of God's warm embrace.

    2426 days ago
    It's funny how we sometimes stray from our spiritual practices when they are the best remedy. I have done the same thing ~ then when I do put on kirtan or do asana or meditate, I say, why didn't I do that days ago? It's not often that it happens, but when it does, depression can be a very powerful force.

    I prescribe one full listening of Krishna Das' Heart Full of Soul. emoticon

    Sounds like you have a perfect kitchen full of yummies!

    2426 days ago
    Sorry you are struggling, my friend. Your stew sounds delightful, and you are set with veggies and watermelon, yum! Keep up the ST, and know that is also provides a cardio effect. Meditate when the feeling is right. You got this! You are a strong, beautiful, powerful woman, and don't forget it! xoxo
    2426 days ago
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