10/30: Guilted Cage
Sunday, October 30, 2011
I get confused about the role that guilt is supposed to play in this process. I read that it's okay to eat certain things as long as I don't over do it, but I get the impression that guilt is a tool to be used to monitor behavior.
But I don't want my food to be flavored with guilt.
I like "junk". I feel guiltier admitting it that than I do eating it. I can't eat it everyday, or even every week, but one or two a month, I'm ok with that. I believe in balance and what I eat on a daily basis tips the scale decidedly onto the healthy side. My "junk" days are neither often or excessive.
For instance, I had one yesterday. I went out with friends and had a big plate of mexican food. I ate about half of what was brought and drank three margueritas that were big enough to give a baby a bath in. It was fantastic. This morning, I was hungover, tired, and a little nauseous. I don't have the desire to do it again for a very long time. Does that mean I won't do it again? Sorry, I probably will.
But I don't feel guilty about it and I wonder if I should. Am I lacking a tool that will allow me to succeed? Is guilt effective in helping to managing behavior? I see others have those kinds of days and reel from the guilt for weeks. I'm gonna think about it as long as the headache lasts and then it's gonna be gone. Is that wrong?
In the end, the past is the past and even if I did feel guilty about the previous days, it would be pointless. Today, life returns to normal and I soldier on, weary, but happy.