So now the paranoia sets in...
Sunday, October 30, 2011
I am not a complainer. I don't like it...I'm not very good at it and I don't like people to feel sorry for me. This is one of the reasons I have not blogged lately. The other reason is that I have very low energy lately and am still dealing with the eye infection and the headaches. I would rather blog about interesting things, good news or funny things so I guess I don't blog at all these days. I do know that many of you have checked in and inquired as to how I am doing and I am touched by that. I am not really used to it. It is so kind. My extended family back in the states don't even realize that I am sick. Haven't had a call from my mother in quite some time as she is dealing with...family issues...I suppose is the best way to put it. I am never exactly at the top of the heap when it comes to them. I am also not really thrilled with them as Patrick and I are planning a trip to Greece this summer and my folks are also planning a trip to Greece. I stupidly thought "How wonderful...we can go at the same time and they can spend some time with their grandchildren as they are retired and can go whenever they want." I was mistaken. I got an email from her informing me of their dates in Greece and they are not when we can go. She doesn't want to be away from Minnesota in the summer because it is such a nice time of year. No discussion about it. This feels very lame to me. This feels like she doesn't care to spend time with us. As grown up as I get this kind of thing still stings and even though I should be used to it by now it always bums me out. In my heart I know it is them but it still sometimes feels like it must be me.
So....low energy, still sick and a little bummed out...hence I have not blogged...or done much else but trying to get to bed early. I have been to the doctor though. He can't seem to help me so he is referring me to a specialist. I have sent my papers in and am waiting for an appointment. If I don't hear anything by Tuesday I will try and call. My vision is still not good. I can see large shapes right now but cannot read a thing or see details through my right eye. This affliction makes me very sensitive to light and yet because it is hard to see I am always trying to adjust the light to see better...so weird.
I asked the doctor to do some bloodwork because I am concerned as to why I have been constantly sick since early September. It has been one thing overlapping another ...my body is not fighting infection very well at all and I want to know if there is something wrong. I have another appointment this coming Wed. with him.
I don't get really sick that often but when I do it is usually not good...or rare things...I once had this thing called erethema nodosum. It caused big huge bruise like rings on my shins. They came out of no where and then eventually left with out explanation. I have had cancer on my cervix...two surgeries later and it was gone. I have had hives from nerves that covered my arms, thighs and neck. When Liam was born I had something called HELLP syndrome where my organs threatened to fail and I could have died. If I kept thinking I could probably come up with more but you get the idea. I don't like that this happens to me. I would rather be healthy, happy and NORMAL!
So now the paranoia has set in. Fears of not being healthy. Why am I not? What if something is really wrong? My energy is so low I can feel myself getting out of shape. I am sure that it is normal but I have been in shape for over a year now and I am remembering what it felt like to be out of shape. I am not a fan! I am of course also having a weigh gain creep but I just cannot bring myself to monitor my eating much aside from just trying to be somewhat sensible. I think it is because I have not been moving as much as I normally do.
I hope that when I see the doc on Wed I will be able to get some answers. I am probably making more out of it all then it really is. The eye infection has probably taken alot out of me and if I can get over this I can get back to normal. I am probably also extra tired these past days because we are going through a menu change at work and starting to get busy and I have a lot to do. I am probably extra tired because it is getting really dark here now but today is Daylight Savings time here and so everything will shift for a while but then of course get dark again...we will get down to barely 6 hours of daylight in the winter and I will be inside working during them! I have GOT to get in a better frame of mind by them...and be healthy!
So there it is. I plan on writing a blog about the unusualness of Halloween here in Norway next and there will be NO complaining or talk about my health! Norway can be a funny place on Halloween because it is a very new holiday here and not everyone participates and when they do they do all kinds of funny things like handing out waffles as treats!
Thanks for reading...thank you so much for your concern and don't worry about me. I will get better and get on with things. I do so appreciate your friendship.