A close friend's mom died two days ago, from brain cancer. She was an amazing woman, so full of life and love. What I found most remarkable and comfortable and lovely about her was how non-judgemental she was.
It's not that she didn't have opinions -- she sure did! She just made a conscious effort not to burden other people with any negative talk. Instead, she reflected carefully and lovingly on what people said. That made her so refreshingly easy to talk to!
My grandma was like that too. It's something I really miss about her.
So last night, in honour of Marcia, I stopped myself before I criticized my dad on the phone. I don't know how to describe my relationship with my dad. It's….complicated? No one can irritate me like he can. I was about to chastise him for one of his…. how can I put this without sounding mean? I get mean when I talk about him!
I've spent a lot of time being critical of him. It's a habit that's hard to break. He made a lot of mistakes, and I suffered for them, especially as a child and teenager. Those days are long past, and he's in recovery and has tried his best to make amends. He's getting older and can only change so much.
I never let him get away with anything and was really quite rough on him. He's not a careful man, but he tries his best to be careful with me, because I've been so testy and vocal and easily irritated by his actions. It occurs to me that I may have behaved that way with him so that he wouldn't treat me in the cavalier and thoughtless manner that he uses with most people.
Anyway, I was about to tell my dad off for doing something he often does, doesn't know he does, and probably won't stop doing no matter how often I remind him. But I thought of Marcia's kindness, and I didn't. I just jokingly changed the subject. It made our conversation so much lighter and easier.
I just want to be as kind as possible, like Marcia was. Life's too short to cause anyone unnecessary suffering.