Getting It Right In The Head: An Answer To APIRLRAIN888

Monday, October 24, 2011

If you read my last Watch Me Shrink blog entry, you may know that I have been feeling "stuck" lately and that I identified that I might be afraid

So then I read this inspiring blog from APIRLRAIN888
and here is my personal journey answer to it:

Like Apirlrain888, when I started this journey, I just wanted to lose weight

But in a short time after joining and going through those starter exercises on the emails they send initially, I quickly came to understand that it wasn't going to be just about losing weight for me

It was going to be about taking my life back

Okay - that sounds dramatic

But it is true - when you are overweight through your teens and your entire adulthood - you kind of miss some things - or you let yourself miss some things because you become mired in your weight as identity

Time for a new identity

In comes the scared

I can't tell you exactly what I weighed in high school - I do remember that the smallest pants I ever wore in high school were a 13/14 and I adored those pants because they were so small - I mostly wore 16s and 18s - so I'm going to take a wild guess that in high school I was probably no lower than 215

Guess where I am stuck - scared - at this very moment - 215

Every time I put on my 12s, I stare at that tag - really? - maybe the numbers got reversed - no, they don't make 21s - but they do make 22s - I used to own a few pairs - and I wore out a few pairs

215 feels safe, because I know I've been here before - I had to have been on my way up to 280

Moving past 215 means going into uncharted territory - but didn't I do that when I took a chance on opening myself emotionally to the person I eventually married? didn't I do that too when I had kids? or when I went to college?

Maybe my weight is more a security issue for me because it has been with me all along - maybe I am afraid of losing myself if I lose the weight

But maybe I'll gain the real me, or better yet, the now me

I made a little side by side comparison picture of me at the start of this journey on March 8, 2011, and me earlier this month on October 17, 2011 - I realized that in those 7 months, my little boy has really changed - but I also realized that to thrive, he must grow, and so too, must I :)

Spark On My Lovlies!

And thanks Apirlrain888 - you are amazing!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8305001
    You look great and the changes are wonderful. I think we all can identify with where you are at. I think we all go through this process when losing weight. Last time I lost weight I got to 200 and not below that so kind of struggled there myself. I hung on for a bit then failed and gained weight back. When I came to spark and started losing weight did not think I would ever surpass that 200 mark and like you felt comfortable there. But i realized I wanted more and knew I could get past that mark and I did. Sometimes takes getting out of your comfort zone but you can do it and we will be cheering you on.
    3214 days ago
    I think we all come face to face with the fear of failure that is cloaked as many things. What if .... I can't do it? What if ... somebody starts to watch me and I fall off the wagon? What if ... I can't keep my commitments that I blog about and that I talk about? What if ... the holidays are too hard, too much? What if ... I can't keep up with my exercise? What if .... It's hard to overcome the "what if" portion of this journey mostly, I believe, because it is way easier to stay in the "what I already know" versus continuing to grow and develop, particularly as a runner! There is a certain amount of "safety" in staying here .... but it won't feed the soul like the experience of seeing your size continue to shrink (take those measurements! Trust me, it's THAT important!), feeling your confidence soar and finding out that dealing with "the microscope" is a little intimidating as people start to watch YOU and YOUR LIFE because you are a success story!

    I love to see YOUR profile picture, Katie! Every single time I see it, it makes me smile. Your "healthy" person inside is shining in your smile! The example you are setting for your children will literally change their lives and only for the better! Think about this ... someday you might be running a 5k, a 10k or a 1/2 marathon with one of your children ... and because of the example YOU are setting for them right now!

    Don't let fear hold you back ... If I had to guess, you would tell me before you completed your first 5K you were scared you couldn't do it but look at you! You are already a winner! Keep going .... you can do it! emoticon
    3215 days ago
    You boy looks so handsome!

    Oh, I can really identify myself with your ideas. This is for me also not just loosing weight, but also getting into a new life, a new me. And it takes time. And actually, my body changes faster then my self image. I am just learning how to live in this body.

    But how exciting this change is!
    3215 days ago
    This was a terrific post! You are amazing :D That little boy is amazing. And SUPER cute! You look great, and what's more, I can tell that you feel great too, when you're not freaked out about the number. :) I think with your new outlook through argyle glasses(socks?!) you'll find what you need to get past the block. I'm here to help too! Just let me know what you need!!! :D
    3216 days ago
    oh my goodness you look so much younger! and wow I loved this blog! I can relate to everything you said. my number is 160.... I have been stuck forever... but it's really 150... but that is no muscle.
    I totally understand... b.c i always say, oh them skinny ppl! lol!! I kinda want but don't want to be them...

    but you are right, we are US... we can do this!!!! 15 lbs to onderland! I'll help you get there!!!!! and we will see have kind of hell breaks loose! me.... i am not looking at scale.. unless it says 140 hahahaha that is my normal bmi! seems impossible right now
    3216 days ago
    I can't believe how much younger you look in the current picture!!!!! Good job!!!!!
    3216 days ago
    Great blog! You can do this!
    3216 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9543726
    Wow, he has grown! :D And you have shrunk. :D

    I know how you feel about that number. I know I"m getting close to my own personal nemesis number and it's starting to freak me out too.
    3216 days ago
    You are NOT a number! Kick that fear in the teeth and move past it... you have so much more living you can do at a healthier weight and you know it, so go for it!

    I pushed myself passed a fear - alot of folks would never dream of doing this and I am asked everyday about it, but Saturday October 29th I am competing in my first figure competition at age 44! WHY? Because I feared doing it... today, I am prepared and ready to conquer it!

    So, with that little lesson, make a small goal to get past 215 to 200 and set out the steps to take to get you there!

    3216 days ago
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