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Finally Friday, now if I could just focus.....

Friday, October 21, 2011

I cannot tell you how happy I am to see this Friday come! No, I am not going on any sort of trip and No, I have no special event. I am just tired and so look forward to getting home from work and sitting under a blanket with a book and relaxing a bit. I have worked hard this week.

Every morning for me starts at about 5:30 am. I could sleep until 6:00, but my husband insists on hitting the snooze alarm 5-6 times and letting it blare a bit before he finally shuts it off and gets out of bed. I can only sleep through so much of it then I just get up and head for the shower. I wake my kids up, get some sort of breakfast going (this morning it was banana muffins made out of oat flour that were actually good for them), and get myself ready. I then drop kids off in two totally opposite directions, which equals about a 30 minute ride before I head off to work.

This morning, I got to hear ALL about what a terrible mom I am. I don't let my daughter do ANYTHING. I don't care AT ALL about her. How it is unfair that I won't let her, at age 15, drop out of school and be in independent studies. (Here is the part where I tell you that yesterday I spent 2 hours with her at the doctor, then went to work, then after work I took her shopping to buy a new outfit for homecoming tomorrow. But yeah, I am HORRIBLE) I also got told by my daughter that she hates me and that I haven't done anything with my life. AWESOME.

And no, my husband isn't helping more. He did pick our son up from daycare and did help him with his homework today. Yippee. But then it was back into the bedroom for 6 hours of video gaming. He did come out of the bedroom once to let us know he was alive for a minute or two, but he didn't want to miss a round of killing some stuff so back he went. I have been sleeping on the couch. I did see him literally run out the door at 5:45 this morning, late for work. He did not pack a lunch like we agreed upon YESTERDAY, so I am sure he will spend another $10 eating out. You know, there is not much I can do about it. He is choosing the lifestyle that he wants to live. He is leaving me to do the lion's share of the workload around my home, and as many times as I have asked for help, he makes the CHOICE to not help. Hence, the reason I choose to sleep on the couch. I cannot sleep in the same bed as a man I cannot respect. It is just a fact.

I really don't want this blog to come off as depressing. I think this explains a LOT why I am just now starting to work on ME after 3+ years at Sparkpeople. I was letting all the above drama get in the way of my progress. I tried not to let it bother me, but it was. I just am at the point where I have given my family ample time to step up and do the right thing. They choose not to do their part. So now, I am doing what *I* need to do for me.

I have been told all my life that I am not good enough. F___ those people. I am freaking AWESOME. I have done in 36 years for myself what some people NEVER do. And if your life sucks, fix it. I have pretty much told my husband and daughter this very thing, in a nicer way. They have to fix whatever it is that makes them so lame. I have done everything I can to help them. They have to help themselves.

So this weekend, I am spending Friday night for ME. Saturday, I am taking my son to a birthday party, then we are going to the beach to walk around and hang out. Sunday, I plan on taking the kids (or kid if slumdog Tiffany won't go) to the local Valley Barn. We can pick out pumpkins, pet some animals, ride the hayride, go in a hay maze.

I am tired of letting the attitudes of others define me and my happiness. It is time I just focus on ME.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DDOORN
    I love this line from VALERIEMAHA's latest blog on October:

    Look, I want to love this world
    as though it's the last chance I'm ever going to get
    to be alive
    and know it.

    --- Mary Oliver

    This isn't going to happen if you don't keep your eye on taking care of yourself. It's a struggle...don't I know!

    Don
    2557 days ago
  • ONECATSHORT97
    It is so difficult to step back and let our families (friends, significant others) make their own choices without us running in and trying to "fix it". I have to admit that it took me much longer than it took you....just a slow learner, I guess emoticon

    Good for you, making plans and if they choose to join you...great and if they don't, that's their loss. Hope you enjoy your night of blanket and reading.

    Just so you know that changes can happen, the other day my older daughter called and apologized for how she had behaved when she was younger. I was amazed! (and glad)
    2557 days ago
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