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Helping Myself

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I have said this from the very beginning. I do not believe sustained weight loss is possible if we do not address all aspects of ourselves with brutal honesty. It is not fun and it is painful but it is, at least for me, the only way I will find the root of why I eat. Why I seek solace in food. Why I will stuff myself until I feel sick and then wait with anticipation until I can eat again. I know intellectually it is unhealthy emotionally and physically but the desire still exists.
I ordered a book this past weekend called "How to Win Friends and Influence People". If you are not familiar it is one of the best selling books of all time. Originally published in 1936 it is still relevant today. It was suggested to me by my boss when she was telling me how poor my social skills are. Hi Pot, I am kettle, nice to meet you. Anyway, those of you who know me know that I am all about being honest with myself and in general I am a rather angry resentful person. I am quick to get irritated and impatient with people, most of all myself. I hold people, including myself, to such impossibly high standards that I am constantly disappointed. I decided to start looking more into how I can change this about myself because I do believe it is deeply intermingled with why I am generally unhappy. I have only read the preface and most of the first chapter but there are already so many points I have taken to heart. One of the big ones "By criticizing we do not making lasting changes and often incur resentment". Wow, isn't that true. Turns out the person I resent is myself. Applying to my generally over-sensitive nature is the idea that people innately believe they are the victim. Many famous criminals have been quoted as saying they where hero's of the people or merely acting in self preservation. How often I have questioned why people are attacking me or cheating me with blatant disrespect and now I am realizing it really isn't about me. It is about their own personal reaction to the situation. Admitting our short coming is a very difficult thing to do. Since I seem to be able to do that pretty well so far (to the point of being detrimental!) I am choosing to focus how making my interactions with others and myself more positive. Focusing on the negative aspects of all of this is not getting me anywhere with my body or with people. I am looking forward to the rest of this book. Hopefully there will be even more insights I can share with all of you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I've heard of that book - maybe I will pay the library a visit and borrow it. Great Blog - I always love your honesty.

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    3017 days ago
    I am very critical and judgmental of myself and others and often react badly. For 20 years I worked for a man who gave constant "constructive critisism" and it made me feel inferior.

    I now work for a man who is truly kind. He does not judge or label people. I recently made a mistake at work. When I apologized to my boss, he said "Thank you, you don't have to apologize to me. I should be thanking you for everything you do for me, my company and my family.". He not only didn't make me feel worse about my mistake, but made me feel good about the work I do and myself.

    Kindness to others and, most importantly, to ourselves is so much better. This is something I have been trying to do. The irritation part . . . that's really ingrained in me so I struggle with it.

    Let us know more about the book as you read on.


    3019 days ago
    THat's one of the books on my "to read" list, and now I know why! Very good advice. Thank you for sharing!
    3020 days ago
    ah, Dale Carnegie. I know that book well. It's a classic and I'm sure you'll get a lot from it. Sounds like you already are.

    I'm so impressed with you, Ashley. You're very aware of what works and what doesn't work in your life, and you're honest with yourself on working on your weaknessess. Most people would tell you they don't have many - if any. Continue your self-improvement journey and watch how you transform your life.

    At 55 years young, I am still a work in progress. However, now when I wake up - I feel good about myself and my life. I am able to embrace love from others and am finally able to love myself - imperfections and all. I've learned to let go of my past and have stopped playing the victim. It's been a long, strange trip - but one that's been very gratifying and empowering. What's most exciting is I know my best is yet to come.

    SO IS YOURS... KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!!! YOU ARE AWESOME, ASHLEY. And you're such a role model to so many people who are starting to find their way by sharing your life with us...

    3020 days ago
  • AMOON502
    You may have heard...
    What you put in, is what you get out, in reference to types of food = energy.

    The same applies with your attitude in reverse though...
    What you send out is what you get back in.

    Food for thought.

    Keep pushing Ashley! You can do this!
    3020 days ago
    Sounds like a very good book, I will have to put it on my 'to read' list. I am very much like you Ashley, I found out in a therapy session recently I am very angry at myself - and I project it as what others feel about me, when really I am the one who feels it about me.
    It was quite the shocker, but good to hear. I hope you are able to get to the bottom of everything, it is so hard to dig deep. I am still a work in progress myself.

    Take care!!
    3020 days ago
    well leave it to you, ash, to find a solution and make it work for you. I am looking forward to hearing what you are learning. I always like the comment that the only one you can change is you. It is so true. I think by changing ME, I have attracted a much better quality of people towards. Yes, I mean you. :)
    3020 days ago
    I needed these thoughts today - thanks!
    3020 days ago
    Sounds like a great read. I heard once,(can't remember the source) that the faults we find in others are most likely the faults we have. I thought long and hard about that one and found it to be true in my own life.

    3020 days ago
    Enjoy the book. Good luck to you!
    3020 days ago
    That is a great book. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you as you read on.
    3020 days ago
    I am constantly amazed at how insightful you are. You are an amazing motivation to take notice of my own emotional issues. Thank you thank you thank you.

    3020 days ago
    Wow! Sounds like a fantastic book Ashley! Thanks so much for sharing. Next trip to the bookstore, I'm going to pick one up to read. emoticon
    3020 days ago
    Sound like a great read!
    I will have to check it out.
    3020 days ago
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