Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011 (6:19am)
I have decided to treat myself to the morning in bed. Who knows it may turn into a whole day. It is just me, my doggies Sassy and Prissy, my laptop, my bible, and some paper and pens for writing if I so choose.
I woke up at three a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep so I read a book for awhile. That is if you can truly call Kindle a book. I am still trying to figure out if I like the trade off: Convenience vs. the sensation of holding and turning the pages of a real book. The jury is still out on that one for me as it is with other things in my life right now.
I am now enjoying a cup of coffee and toast in bed. No jelly just toast. Actually it isn’t regular toast it is some of those Hawaiian sweet rolls sliced in half with margarine on top and toasted. Ummm, I love those things.
I just spent two months not eating sweets and not drinking cokes, two things that I usually do a lot of, and I did not lose a pound. The same five pounds would disappear and reappear every few days and that coupled with other things caused me to get disgusted and use as an excuse to veer away
So for nearly a week now I have eaten and drank anything I wanted. No, I’m not going back to the sweets and cokes permanently I’m just taking a little vacation from them. Then I will have to regroup and decided what changes I will have to make to actually lose pounds and inches.
My body is not really very happy with me right now either. It is saying to me, “Even though I have not shed pounds, I just feel so much better when you aren’t stuffing me with junk food.” I’m trying to listen to my body as I sit here and continue to eat and drink the empty calories. ☺
Apparently my doggies have not realized I am eating or they would have already stuck their heads out and with those pitiful eyes begged for their share. I guess it is too early for them and they are enjoying the warmth of the cover too much. Maybe I will save them a roll.
I am thinking of investing in a Keurig coffee machine. I have had two friends in two different states to tell me how great the Keurig is. One of those friends said you can purchase a thingy to use your own coffee in so you don’t have to buy the expensive little coffee pods. I think it will be a good investment because since I am the only one here to drink it, I pour so much coffee down the drain.
And now to shift gears, have you ever noticed how when the Holy Spirit lays something on your heart to study in the bible and that it is not long before you experience something in your life that directly relates to it or vice versa.
For those of you who haven’t seen my other blogs, I have recently begun a study on the book of James that I have been putting on my blog page. Lo and behold, now I am in a place that I must either take James at his word and believe or not.
Usually when we think of the book of James we think of his teaching on controlling the tongue. That is of course a direct lesson to me because I sometimes...oft times...spout off without thinking. That is not the lesson in James I am talking about it.
James tells us, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” The word “temptations” here does not only mean temptation as we usually think of them but it also means “trials”.
My first trial came just days into my bible study. I received a written warning slip at work for a nursing decision that I made at three o’clock in the morning. that I had no doubt was the right decision. As it turns out, it was a decision that was indeed right and for the good of my patient, myself, and my place of employment.
The written warning was not rescinded, nor did I get an apology but I know that “they” know that I was right. Although it was not acknowledged openly, because of circumstances that followed I felt totally vindicated in my heart and that is all that really matters.
This new trial that I find myself in is also related to work. It is not really my employers fault but just a sign of the times we are living in.
All over the world the economy is bad and our little section of the state has not escaped it. Even the healthcare field which will always be in need of nurses is having to adapt to changes mostly brought on from cutbacks by Medicare.
My place of employment is diversifying in order to continue providing good services including good nursing care. Because of this, however, I find myself in limbo.
My job per se is not in jeopardy but my responsibilities and my work load is increasing. And this just at a time in my life when I’m almost sixty, thinking about retirement, and not interested in more stress. I just wanted to continue doing my job as best as I could for the next few years until retirement with less stress.
Now I find myself at this late stage once again at a crossroad. I am reminded of so many crossroads in my life at which I took the wrong road and ultimately have lived to suffer the consequences of. I do not want to take the wrong road this time.
I have to decide if I want to stay at my current job and deal with all the added physical and mental stress or move on to something else. Looking at it from a logical standpoint it is a no-brainer...stay put. Looking a little closer, however, it could be seen as a chance for a change that I would not have otherwise even thought about.
Logic will probably win out for the obvious reasons. One, I hate change. Two, I am in a one-income household with bills to pay. Three, I have health insurance and vacation/sick pay to think of. Four, I am not ready to leave my brother, my home, and my hometown.
On the other hand, I could let my brother stay in my house and I could move to the state where my son lives. I could get a part-time job, live in his travel trailer, be near my grandsons whose lives I have missed so much of, and have not a care in the world so to speak. I could work as little or as much as I wanted and save for retirement.
I could possibly even buy a newer car. Even more enticing is the thought that I would have family close by who I would see every day and who would be there to help me out if I had car trouble or if I just needed a box toted or someone to drink coffee with and talk to in person.
I have been single for almost ten years and although my time was filled with caring for my mother, it has not always been easy. Sometimes I cry from loneliness but at the same time I know it is my choice that I remain alone.
I just don’t know if at this age I can leave the town I was born and raised in and leave my brother and move 650 miles away. Although I don’t see my brother often and I know he would tell me to not worry about him and to just do what is best for me, I love my brother and can’t imagine living so far away from him.
Naturally, I find myself thinking of the overused words “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. This leads me right back to the fact that I do not like change and many times have remained stuck in a rut because of it.
I don’t really find myself in true turmoil because I am at peace knowing that God will take care of me no matter what my decision. I do, however, find myself not really knowing which choice I should make.
I will just probably stay put where I am at least for now. I will tough it out and see if I can handle the added workload and stress that I know I will have at work. If I can handle it for a couple more years I can probably be out of debt and be able to take early retirement and then begin to work part time and divide my time between my home here and my son’s home and in doing so have the best of both worlds.
I think I knew the decision I would ultimately make and in fact probably already had made the decision before I started writing this bog today. Putting it down on paper makes this choice seem more clear.
I will continue to take one day at a time and see where God leads me. If the stress becomes too much He will make a way of escape for me. Amen and Amen!
Now, with that settled, let me find that Kindle and go get me another cup of coffee. Have a great day and hugs to you all!