TWO-TONTILLIES

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REALITY TV IN THE MAKING

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I'm sorry about the sporadic posts. I will continue to write this blog, but expect one or two posts a week rather than a daily thing. I just can't keep up as the only author of this blog.

You can not imagine the week I've had! This new job is proving to be a real challenge in more ways than one. I am going at a pace that is unrealistic in terms of producing quality photographs. I do the best I can, of course, but unfortunately America has taken to quick, cheap, and easy as opposed to something more long lasting. I'm not sure what we do can be labeled photography. We get them in, pose them, throw some cheap props into the mix, rework the images with fancy software and then print them on the spot. This serves a great purpose for a large group of people, but as someone who truly loves and respects the art of photography, you can imagine how this is bumming me out!

I realize that despite the lack of artistic nature, there are still some good lessons here even if the only skill I can take away is being able to work at a ridiculous pace. Still, some crazy things have happened that no professional can be prepared for. Probably the most notable example is the one I'm about to share. I had a middle-aged couple looking to get some photographs not much different from what any young couple who had just gotten engaged would expect. I had a partner for this one and was actually not behind the camera at the time. Instead, I was encouraging poses that look loving and doing my best to arrange the shot in a flattering manner. I can't say either member of this couple was particularly good looking, but the female was really presenting some challenges. She was wearing a very, very, tight and short dress with bare legs that were covered in tattoos. Oddly enough she had chosen the wrong shoes. This sexy apparel was teamed up with what looked like size ten oxfords...? Hmmm.....how to sit this woman down without seeing her business was becoming a challenge. She was quite a bit taller than her boyfriend and so the standing shots were losing some playfulness. Not to mention, the heavily tattooed legs combined with the manly shoes was making the full body shots less than feminine. At one point I seated her on the seamless with her legs tucked behind her hoping we could work out the intricacies of the short skirt when...Houston we have a problem! Her dick fell out.

I wish I could tell you I was making this up, but fiction like this is too good for me to have written. I nearly leaped in the air. I was not prepared for that. When I concerned myself with hiding her business, I assumed what we were hiding was female in nature. I stared up at the five o' clock shadow on her face and soon realized I was not crazy. I had indeed witnessed a bulge that was rather unexpected. I turned around to see if my partner behind the lens had taken notice and very quickly she suggested that we place the "girl" behind the man, something we rarely do for this pose. I can not tell you the amount of self-control it took to carry on. I think both of us were too shocked to have a proper reaction in the moment. Not shocked that this woman could be a man (as I mentioned earlier looks was not "her" forte) but more so that on my first full week of photo shoots I had gotten the Tranny!!

This stuff could only happen to me! When you are bombarded with photo shoots that contain one or more screaming children you can not imagine the relief when you get a couple. Easier to give direction, easier for them to take direction, and a lot less time wasted on developing trust. I can honestly say that I now look at clients a bit different after this. I went into a near panic when a day later I found myself doing a sitting with another couple requesting boudoir photos. Clearly not something we do at a children's studio. But she insisted the shots were pin-up style at best and did not involve nudity. I called in some back-up for this one. Together we turned out some okay pics, but really that style is a genre all in itself and really shouldn't be taken on by us. Certainly not an ordinary week. A bit of a white trash picnic.

Due to both the stress and crazy schedule, I was forced to eat out several times this week which kills my weight-loss efforts and blows any excess cash I might have earned doing all of this. If this continues, I will no doubt need to look for other work. I thought this was the right path for me but amongst all the chaos, stress, and exhaustion, a Plain Jane office job is not sounding so bad right now. Pray I make it through another week!

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.” -Betty Bender
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TWO-TONTILLIES
    Still can't believe it happened to me!

    -Two-ton Tilles emoticon
    3532 days ago
  • YELLOWDAHLIA
    Okay- that is TOO funny!!!
    3535 days ago
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