Intended a comment, became a blog :)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

hmm.. i'm horrible when it comes to explaining myself, but I'll try.. also -sorry in advance- I talk alot!

You know how it's plain crazy to expect a different/better result doing the same/obviously-not-working things? Well, that's what I've been doing for .. wait for it.. SIX years.
What I've been trying for so long to do is -figure that- lose weight.
Meaning watch my food intake, and my calorie burning.
That hasn't really worked out for me.. I start, i do well, i fall, maybe i get up again maybe i don't, i hate my body, i blame myself, i eat, i start again= Revert back to the same drama = Trying to lose weight.

I don't want to call it "this time" because I don't count all what I've been doing in the past as trials in the first place, but let's just call it that for a second.
This time I don't want to lose weight.. I want to change how I look.
Same thing? Not quite.
What I'm talking about is far more complex than losing weight. I'm talking about CHANGING (Probably that toughest thing a anyone could do). Changing means actually analyzing my life without passing judgement so I can point out what isn't helping me become the person I want - or change the way I look.
To look good, I have to feel great about myself. For so long, feeling great has been my state a few hours I get after eating something, fattening most probably. Food makes me happy! Why would I deny myself something that makes me happy? (That's why the whole calories less/burn more concept wasn't work for me, because it makes some food "bad" when in my mentality it's "good" cuz it makes me feel happy)
See why it's complicated?
Now, it's different.

What I'm trying to do is sloooooowwwwwllllyy and patiently try to change where I derive my happiness from.
Instead of feeling good temporarily after eating a cookie or a slice of pizza then wanting to have more, i want to feel happy doing rewarding things.
My journey now is a quest to discover those "HAPPY REWARDING THINGS".
I can only find out what makes me happy by looking inside me and getting to know myself better. Reading makes me happy. Getting good grades makes me happy. Doing my chores and not procrastinating makes me happy. Laughing with my girls makes me happy. Helping others makes me happy. Talking to my mom makes me happy. Traveling makes me happy. And so much more!
Life is so much beyond food and weight. But we get caught up in these two concepts so deep, that we start looking at everything else through them:
For me, it goes a bit like this for example:
"Going out is a burden not a fun activity because I don't have "anything" to wear (Meaning: I look fat.) unlike my friends, family, etc.. All that is because I'm a fat person with zero willpower and determining failure genes."
NOT SO!!!!!!
Try to get out of your comfort zone much often, that way you'll realize you CAN change the status Quo. You CAN change the way you feel, look, and think about yourself, but it only can happy gradually and slowly.

I think of it as if it's a journey to Disneyland with my best friends.. (think you live faaar)..: I'm going with my best best best friends.. the ones I love the most and Im happy around them. It's a long ride/flight there, but Im having fun along the way! I don't get fed up in the middle of the trip and tell them "guys, this is taking too long, let's go back .. we'll visit it next week, or next month, or next year" .. I don't do that because the trip itself is rewarding!
and I believe "The best is yet to come"..:D
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    what a great blog.I just saw it .I can totally relate .I also had aset back lately.You have what it takes .take it one meal at a time and one pound at a time
    2669 days ago
    The key insight for me is that I get to choose.

    I can choose the cookie if I want,
    but if I do I am also choosing the consequences of the cookie.

    Maybe it is worth it to me to postpone getting to my goal weight,
    maybe not,
    but every choice that I make is mine.

    No blame, no shame, no regrets.

    If I eat the cookie, I'm going to really enjoy it.
    If I don't, I'm going to be proud of myself for moving toward my goal.

    I can have what I want most.
    Most of the time that is health and wellness.
    Most of the time is enough to get me where I want to go.

    Blessings on your journey!
    2714 days ago
    I love the Disney trip analogy. Yes, the end is rewarding so no matter how many times we want to go back, to stop, to change our path, remember that by the end of the journey, a great thing is waiting for us and it will be a sweeter success when the trip is rough!
    2743 days ago
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