Sunday, October 16, 2011
It's no secret...I am struggling with chronic physical pain. Since April, I was able to put on my big girl panties (daily), be upbeat and continue onward. I would acknowledge the pain but wasn't willing to give in to it. There were even days that I pushed myself to accomplish a task, which I would pay for several days later. Yet it still felt like I had completed a task and allowed me to focus on future challenges.
It's also no secret that my Lymphedema is out-of-control. While physical therapy feels good while it's being done, the wrapping and the exercises were usually filled with painful moments. It's a never-ending task that needs to be performed daily to retain some sense of normalcy in the life of a "lympher".
I remember back when I was a small child ~ I would sit upon my daddys foot and hang onto his leg as he "danced" me around the room. That's the same heaviness I feel in my lymphatic leg - like a child is clinging on and I can't release it's grasp.
Back in 2007, the doctor estimated that my left leg (only) weighed 150#. That was before the Lymphedema moved into my thigh. Since my thigh has gained about seven inches, I would imagine the reality is more likely to be about 175# - which is 41 percent of my current body weight.
It's no wonder that my constant companions are chronic pain, loneliness and boredom.
Yesterday, I was visited by two other companions...the twins, "give up and give in". It would have been so easy to be swayed into going with them. But I held steadfast and struggled to move onward.
Now, I'm not the most religious person in the world...but I frequently talk to the big guy upstairs and as I sat upon my bed last night, I simply stated that I hoped for a better day tomorrow than I had that day.
Early this morning I was inclined to open my Bible and look for passages about feeling lost. I opened the book to Hebrews 12, it talks about how God is our father, training us and correcting us (as most fathers do).
But it was verses 11 thru 13 that really caught my eye: "But afterwards we can see the result, a quiet growth in grace and character. So take a new grip with your tired hands, stand firm on your shaky legs, and mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame, will not fall and hurt themselves, but become strong."
Today, I tried taking a 'new grip" on my life and my circumstances. The road won't be all that straight or smooth....but for now, I will continue onward. For today, a new companion came to help me along.....her name is HOPE.....