Having A Moment
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I don't know what is going on, but I am pissed off right now. Pissed at myself for letting myself get to this point, for not being strong enough to stop myself or make the changes that I know I have needed to make for a long time, for being weak. I am disgusted with myself for making bargains with myself that I know I will never keep, like "I'll start on Monday, this weekend is my Farewell to Bad Habits". I am sick to my stomach. I am embarrassed of and for myself. I am ashamed that my wife has to put up with the fact that I have done so much damage to myself that I can barely function. Right now I want to cry, but I am sitting at my desk and so I can't.
Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. but right now I don't think I deserve to.