The inner struggle
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Its only day 3 and I already slipped and ate some McD's because it was quick (and the train crossing was blocking my way to the grocery store)... I need to find good options for food while I'm at work. We have two refrigerators and it seems like every day they are packed to the brim. Maybe I just need to eat peanut butter sandwiches...
Coming home today I felt tired and emotionally drained from the days news. My great aunt is in the hospital again and who knows the outcome this time around. She's in the ICU and the doctors have put her into an unconscious state to get her vitals stable. In the past year or two we've dealt with the drama that surrounds her health. She'll have a heart attack, or stroke, an OD on morphine thanks to her friends thinking they're doing the right thing... and now this time, she was left on the porch without her oxygen... so she passed out and had another severe heart attack... we don't know if there is any brain damage yet... but the thought of losing her is hard on me. I don't deal with death well anyways and when it could possibly be caused by neglect of the family surrounding her then that just ticks me off. I hope to get updates tomorrow and hopefully its not for the worse.
So with that being said, I just wanted to come home, change out of my work clothes and cry... but I didn't. I walked in the door, got changed into some work out clothes, took the dog for a walk and then went to the gym for an hour. I tried the "weight loss" setting on the treadmill... who knew a 3% incline would kick my butt. I survived though, 35 minutes of a 3.0 speed... I ended the night with a few reps of weights and managed to do 20 sit-ups on my own (well, with the help of whatever device the gym has). I am proud of myself for doing what I didn't want to do. I am proud of myself for fighting through the pain and coming out alive. Hopefully I'll have that same strength tomorrow.