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How do I stop feeling bad for someone that doesn't deserve it?

Sunday, October 09, 2011

I'm truly fighting the emotional eating demons this weekend and could use some suggestions. My daughter is in the process of divorcing her husband. He pushed her around a little, kept her from her friends and family, spent all their money and thank God she got out before it got worse. I didn't know the extent of what was happening until she left. She was brave and smart enough to get out. She has tried to keep it from getting nasty and let him be a father to their son. We allowed him to stay in the trailer we owned as long as he paid the lot rent, he has no family here. He never paid the rent, gas got shut off, rarely even sees his son...much less be a parent to him, truck hasn't been licensed since March and he got arrested for not paying his tickets and not showing up for court...etc...etc...etc... He now owes up almost 3000.00 just for back rent and has not given my daughter 1 dime to help with their child. They dropped him to part time as needed at work because he is unreliable and they lost their health insurance so the surgery scheduled for their son on Nov 1st has to cancelled till my daughter can figure out what to do....I could go on and on.
So...why to I feel bad for him that we are kicking him out of the trailer today and he will be homeless? He did it to himself and had every opportunity to get out of it. I'm so emotional today and I can't get out of it. I'm trying really hard to stay busy and not think about it but I can't figure out what exactly I feel bad for.
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  • no profile photo SAMUEL1331
    I'm in the same situation. I'm a 12 year old who went to the cinema today and was sitting next to my friend, and next to my friend a disabled man. I really felt sorry for him and cannot forget about him.
    1268 days ago
    Remember. Sometimes we need a wake up call to change our life and all of this happening to him might just be it.
    2749 days ago
    Jane.... I don't think it is wrong to feel bad for him.. even as you likely are angry and frustrated with him. You are seeing that he is a miserable lost wretch. And you are a caring, sweet person. You, however, can not save him. You have likely done way more for him that you should have.... even perhaps enabling him. And now is YOUR time to be strong.

    If you can, pray for him. But don't feel bad for not helping him... as you can see it never really helped. You tried. You tried more. It did not work. Now let him go. (((hugs))) And focus on your daughter and grandchild. :)

    2749 days ago
  • no profile photo EJHEINRICH1
    Just think of what he is teaching his son and then get rid of the garbage. His son (your grandson)and your daughter is 1st. And that is the way it should be!
    Stay strong! This is what is called tough love!
    2749 days ago
    You feel bad because you are human. I'm sure you are a nice person. We don't like to do the hard things in life. I think you gave him a lot more chances than I would have. I had a situtation last year with someone who was getting fired (for good reason) last year. I felt really bad, and was caught in the middle. I finally had to just acknowledge the feeling and decide to deal with the people who were important to me that were hurting. If your s-i-law had made different choices, you would be there for him, but for now you are needed to be a support for your daughter and grandson. There's only so much of you to go around. Acknowledge the feeling of sympathy and let it go. Best of luck!
    2749 days ago
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