Because I will be proud of me....

Saturday, October 08, 2011

I wrote a blog a year ago called 'I can feel it' in which I was feeling extremely motivated to begin my weightloss journey, and felt unstoppable and like I knew I could do it and that this time it would be different. Well, look what happened - I've been on this journey for just over a year now, and all I have done is maintain my weight, which is very disappointing. I've lost a few kilos, then gained a few kilos, again and again, my weight has been see-sawing up and down. I am the sort of person who doesn't do things in a rush, outside of caring for the family, I don't do a lot in a great hurry and get around to things when I get around to them. But one thing I have been doing over the past year, is gathering information from sources like Sparkpeople articles and particularly Spark blogs, reading health magazines and reading other articles online. Its like I'm a hunter gatherer, I need to have all the appropriate information before I start. I know that is crazy because there is never a perfect time to start, and if we wait around for the perfect moment, it will never happen. But I'm getting there - I'm now taking exercise more seriously, Its Spring here now so the weather is perfect, I've joined a gym, I bought some kitchen scales to measure every ounce and some calorie food reference and food tracking books (since I've never counted calories before). Today my husband took me shopping to buy some working out clothes and a new sports bra so that I can look and feel the part when I exercise. So I feel I'm ready to start over, I have all the tools at my fingertips and no excuses anymore. Plus I have the unwavering support of my husband, always have had, but even moreso now, who is starting to notice my attitude change and is being even more encouraging. He has a lot of drive and just gets out there and goes running and does what he needs to do to be fit and healthy, so he's a good role model for me and doesn't just talk the talk, but walks the walk also. So I'm using his strength and his belief in me, until I fell confident enough that I can do this on my own. Of course not that I will need to do this on my own, but you know what I mean, I won't need to lean on him once I get my groove. So its not a matter of 'if' I get to my goal weight, but 'when' will I get there.

I borrowed this from EMFRAPPIER's blog of 7 October in which she wrote 25 reasons why she is afraid to be fit, and then counter balanced that with 25 reasons why she is determined to be fit. I've modified it to 10 reasons I want to lose weight, because I found it difficult to come up with much more than 10 that were really meaningful to me. Here they are and I hope they might inspire you:

10 reasons why I am afraid to lose weight:

1) because I'm afraid I will put the weight on again
2) because its difficult trying to lose weight
3) what if I don't like myself once the weight is gone
4) what if I don't change on the inside on this journey
5) because the weight loss serves as a great distraction in my life
6) what will I put my focus on once I meet my goal weight
7) My weight is like my security blanket and keeps me safe
8) I'm afraid of having no where to hide
9) Because then I have to start doing all the 'right' things forever to maintain my weight
10) I'm afraid of the expectations that others and myself place on me

10 reasons I am determined to lose weight:

1) So that I can run 5km without stopping
2) So that I wont look so frumpy
3) So that I can wear beautiful clothes again
4) It will give me a huge confidence boost
5) It will be healthy for my mentality
6) If I'm healthy on the inside, it will show on the outside
7) I can start living my life without my weight being an excuse
8) I can be a great role model for my children
9) because I deserve to be admired
10) My family and friends will be proud of me
11) I will be proud of me

okay so there is an extra one at the bottom. But the last one is probably the most important, that I will be proud of me. That to me counts for everything and I think if I am proud of me and believe in me, then happiness will resonate from me and everything else will fall into place. Thats the dream anyway......
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great exercise! No Nine is a biggy for me! emoticon emoticon
    1657 days ago
    Hey, Lindel! I LOVE this blog... you've expressed the first year of my own journey really well, LOL! And I appreciate your honesty... not too many here talk about the fears associated with losing weight.

    For me it was more the notion that I was doing this once, and once only. No lose a hundred pounds and gain back 50 for me. Then LIFE hit with full force and seemingly closed the window I had created to focus on myself. However, I consider it a victory to have maintained, rather than continuing to gain.

    I'm glad you're back here and moving on to the next level for you... THANK YOU for the goodie! After a long year and a half, the window has come 'round again and I'm back to get this DONE, too. I look forward to reading more and journeying on together!

    2336 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/3/2012 10:12:31 AM
  • KARMA70
    The reasons you listed to lose weight are awesome! I also understand the reasons you're afraid, I'm getting close(ish) to my goal weight and I still have some of those fears! But I have to say there is nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when you actually begin to notice a change in your appearance and fitness level. You'll start to notice small things that will keep your motivation going. A big A-HA moment for me was walking up a steep hill with one of my sisters (they are all slim and fit), we were chatting away going up and when we got to the top she looked at me with a big grin on her face and said "Do you realize you just power walked up that hill without begging me to slow down, wheezing or stopping to catch your breath?" (These are all things I used to do on a regular basis!). I didn't feel winded at all and right then and there I felt so proud of myself and realized that I was actually doing this, becoming a fit healthy person!

    Keep going and you will have many, many of those moments too!
    2411 days ago
    This is a wonderful blog! I love all the reasons, both for and against. It's like a pros and cons list; it just makes things so clear. I will write one too!

    It sounds like you've been in the preparation stage of change and are ready to move into the action stage. What an exciting time!
    2416 days ago
    You've got this!
    2422 days ago
    Great to have a supportive DH - woo hoo!
    2422 days ago
    2423 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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