If I knew back then what I know now

Sunday, March 04, 2007

I have always believed I hated pain.

How come I did not hate it enough, to stop regaining all the weight I lost in 2004?
How come I continued to overeat even when I developed plantar Fascitis, that has me hobbling through my day, in absolute agony from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep?
How come I did not hate the pain and discomfort of being as big as I got enough to take steps to drop some weight? Even when it became obvious that the seat belts on planes were becoming a bother to fasten, ,and I could barely breathe whilst holding my self as tight as possible so as not to spill into the seat next to mine.?
How come I did not seem to mind the pain of holding my arm across my body, so I dont spill into my neighbours seat and inconvenience them on these flights which I have to make once a month at least?
How come I gave myself license to eat any old how when I know they were not the best choices I could make for myself.

I know why,
I, yes, me, moi, let me down.
If somebody else had treated my body as I did, or put me through as much pain as I have had to endure, physically, psychologically, mentally etc. I would have had something to say about that.

I abdicated responsibily for myself. On my watch, I let the badits make off with my prized possesions. I aided and abetted the whole sorry episode.

I hope its not too late. I hope my body forgives me for the despicable way I have treated it.

I am making amends. I am righting the wrongs.

I pray to God Its not too late.
I know for sure, I will never, ever, do to my body ,what I have done to it these last 15yrs.
I will never sleepwalk through my life like this again.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think we've all hit our own "rock bottom" when it comes to weight loss and that "bottom" spurs us on to finally do something about it!! It sounds like you've hit and now there's nowhere to go but up!!!!! Hang in there!! God will see you through it!!! Start by forgiving yourself for the what you did or didn't do to get you to this point. Be good to yourself in a health way!! Nikki :)
    4434 days ago
    hey it is great that you are willing to do something now. you are worthy and deserving of feeling great, i hope you are encouraged as you embark on this journey.
    4434 days ago
    It's never too late!! You can and will do this!! You have made a great leap by coming to this site. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take it one moment at a time. ((HUGS)) Kristina
    4434 days ago
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