If I knew back then what I know now
Sunday, March 04, 2007
I have always believed I hated pain.
How come I did not hate it enough, to stop regaining all the weight I lost in 2004?
How come I continued to overeat even when I developed plantar Fascitis, that has me hobbling through my day, in absolute agony from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep?
How come I did not hate the pain and discomfort of being as big as I got enough to take steps to drop some weight? Even when it became obvious that the seat belts on planes were becoming a bother to fasten, ,and I could barely breathe whilst holding my self as tight as possible so as not to spill into the seat next to mine.?
How come I did not seem to mind the pain of holding my arm across my body, so I dont spill into my neighbours seat and inconvenience them on these flights which I have to make once a month at least?
How come I gave myself license to eat any old how when I know they were not the best choices I could make for myself.
I know why,
I, yes, me, moi, let me down.
If somebody else had treated my body as I did, or put me through as much pain as I have had to endure, physically, psychologically, mentally etc. I would have had something to say about that.
I abdicated responsibily for myself. On my watch, I let the badits make off with my prized possesions. I aided and abetted the whole sorry episode.
I hope its not too late. I hope my body forgives me for the despicable way I have treated it.
I am making amends. I am righting the wrongs.
I pray to God Its not too late.
I know for sure, I will never, ever, do to my body ,what I have done to it these last 15yrs.
I will never sleepwalk through my life like this again.