Who is that slender woman?

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

I have been the heaviest sibling in my family for decades, and I'm used to picking out myself in the family pictures by looking at the largest one.

But this past summer I went to a family wedding, and in one picture with my sister, I'm actually slimmer than she is! What a shock - at first I thought I was looking at my sister, but then realized it was me!

I'm not the slenderest - another sister has been thin her entire life, but now we can share clothes - those clothes are on the larger side for her, and on the smaller size for me - but we're almost matched.

That is one of many things that motivates me. To "fit in" with the slender people, when I have always stood out. To not have to hide in the background of group pictures, hoping no one notices that I'm twice the size of the people around me.

But I have so many things that motivate me to keep going, and I have a difficult time responding to the many posts on the message boards asking for help with motivation. Part of me thinks that relying on others for motivation is helpful, but ultimately it has to come from inside. I have to want to do this for me, and my reasons have to come from inside, not from external support. I don't mean that supporters aren't helpful - they are - but at the end of the day I am with myself all the time, and my friends and family are only there for parts of the day. I have to be more healthy because it's what I want.

On the other hand, I'm not necessarily motivated to eat right and exercise. It's just what I do, like showering, laundry, paying my mortgage and going to work. I don't have to be motivated for those things; they are part of my life. So is eating right and exercising, although they aren't always the most pleasant parts of my life. Neither is making my bed, but I do it because that's how I want to live my life.

I think, at the end of the day, we each find our own motivation. For some, it's competition or a challenge they set for themselves, for others, it's because they are frightened of the alternatives. For me, it's doing what's right for my body, because it's the only one I have ;)
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