I'm Back .
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Hello, all my spark friends. I am sorry to have disappeared since the summer. Because of my disappearance I have fallen wayyyy off the chart with my weight lost and my exercise. I noticed that the more I blogged the more I stayed on track and the more inspiration and motivation I had from you all the more I stayed on track as well.
I will not even show u a pic of how I look b/c I am soo embarrassed. I am up in weight. WAY up. I weighed in at 247.4 lbs Sunday morning. Yes, from the summer lowest of 223. My losest this year in March was 214.8. Just writing it down makes me more angry at myself.
I have not dedicated myself to workouts anymore since August nor to logging my food daily. I have not followed my personal or Lapband rules. so before I get to my surgery weight of 288 or pre surgery weight 300.5 I must rededicate my life.
I was really trying to focus on my family and my job. I had spent from Dec. 2009 till this summer focusing on Me, Me, and Me... my weight, food and exercise 80% the rest was my family and work 20%. Not physically some days more than mentally.
I see where that got me... up on the scale, lack of sleep, breathing hard, fatigue, tiredness, and no matter how much effort I put at work I still get fused at for small crap I do wrong. SO i say the heck with it BACK to the old ME. I miss the old me.
As I walk by mirrows I don't recognize myself.
I can no longer wear my size 14 clothes from the spring time.
I started the school year weighing more than when I left when my goal was to walk in as a 199 lb or less renewed women. Ugh !
I have asked myself all week, what triggered my spiral? And I don't know. I really need to find out why in my head I can not see myself as a 5'4 ft women of normal weight. Why I can't push to be a normal weight!!!! Why!!
Oh well... redo. I will dedicate myself to after this day..
2. Logging my food and water intake.
3. Weekly weigh in.
4. Blogging my feelings, concerns, etc.