I'm just saying ...

Friday, September 30, 2011

This blog has nothing to do with my September challenge, either, which I will probably get around to blogging on sometime in October. I really have a problem with the on-time thing sometimes. This blog is simply because it is Friday, and I think everyone could use some grins to take them into the weekend.

I wrote none of this. That is right -- I plagiarized the entire blog. Which makes me wonder if it really is a blog since a blog by definition is either "(n.) Short for Web log, a blog is a Web page that serves as a publicly accessible personal journal for an individual. Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author." or "(v.) To author a Web log". But hey -- I have been writing all week and really am not in the mood for any more of this writing nonsense at the moment, so just cool your jets, relax, and laugh anyway and maybe think just a little bit. It will do you some good. I promise. And, no, there is no money-back guarantee if you do not laugh. You're getting this for free, anyway.

(Did she really just say that?!)

“American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.” ~ Dave Barry

“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!” ~Author Unknown

“A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.” ~Joan Welsh

“The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down."” ~Rita Rudner”

“I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.” ~Marsha Doble

“Fat people who want to reduce should take their exercise on an empty stomach and sit down to their food out of breath.... Thin people who want to get fat should do exactly the opposite and never take exercise on an empty stomach.” ~ Hippocrates

“For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!” ~ Jay Leno

“What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?” ~ Randy Glasbergen, Cartoonist

“A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.” ~ Dennis Miller

“Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.” ~Edward Stanley

“Everything that goes into my mouth seems to make me fat, everything that comes out of my mouth embarrasses me.” ~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“Fat is a way of saying no to powerlessness and self-denial.” ~ Susie Orbach

“Americans like fat books and thin women.” ~ Russell Baker

“Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.” ~Cher

“There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it.” ~The New Glucose Revolution for Diabetes by Jennie Brand-Miller, Kaye Foster-Powell, Stephen Colagiuri, Alan W. Barclay

Dave Barry - America has become obsessed with consuming low-fat foods

Recently, a reader named Jim Cornell sent me a postcard with a picture of insects on it, posing an interesting question.

(No, the insects were not posing a question. As far as I know.)

Jim stated that he, like every other American above the age of 4, is on a low-fat diet, and he noted that we have become basically a non-fat nation. This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being "low-fat'' or "fat-free.'' Americans are obsessed with fat content.

DOCTOR: Mrs. Stoatbonker, you will die within hours unless you take this antibiotic.

PATIENT: Is it fat-free?

DOCTOR: I don't know.

PATIENT: I'll just have a Diet Pepsi.

In keeping with SP policy, if you want to read the rest of this, log onto lubbockonline.com

That's it, folks. I hope you have an awesome weekend!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's unfortunate that our society brings this out in people & that "fat free" is better for you. HHHMMMM here is a question for us though if it is fat free then what does all the preservitives do for us? (HFCS, Food starches, Sodium Hexametphosphite...)
    3501 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9523199
    3504 days ago
    Hahaha...enjoyed this!! Thankyou for helping me move into my saturday with a wry smile and a chuckle in my throat!! Have a good W/end.
    3504 days ago
    ok- I've read through this twice and haven't been grossed out even once.
    Don't make me come over there!
    3505 days ago
  • no profile photo READY2LOSE200
    Awesome - I really enjoyed reading this. It is so true - people will eat anything that says "Low Fat" or Fat Free" even if it tastes like crap and leaves them wanting something else and most times ends up with them eating both the "fake" thing and the real thing. Have a great weekend!
    3505 days ago
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