I apologize in advance

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I apologize in advance because this is kind of a whiny blog.

Why is it so hard so be happy with yourself (myself, ones self...) sometimes? I stepped on the scale this morning and saw I lost 2 pounds since last week. I should be ecstatic, right? That's how I used to feel when I lost weight. I know some of you are thinking, "Why aren't you happy, you loon? 2 pounds in a week is awesome!" Here's what my brain is telling me as I step off the scale:

Why haven't you lost more inches? You still have a ways to go before you can be really happy...Did you actually lose real weight, or is it just water?

My brain sucks.

My original goal was 135 lbs. That's what I weighed last time I was really happy with my body. About 2 months ago I decided that I knew I wasn't going to be happy at 135, so I changed my goal to 125. Here's the scary part...will I actually be happy at 125? Or will I get close and decide that 115 would be better. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH WEIGHT ONE CAN LOSE WITHOUT LOOKING SICK.

I don't know....*sigh* I am 2 pounds away from my original goal and all I see is the work I still need to do. I beat myself up for not meeting my ridiculous goal of 6 days a week strength training. I wonder if running 3 days a week is really enough, because I see people on here doing 200, 300, 400 minutes of cardio per week. To those people: How do you do that? Aren't you tired?

I quit taking my anxiety medication when I was pregnant with my son, and didn't go back on them after he was born because I realized I was really addicted to them. But am I just trading one obsession for another?

Saying all this is kind of embarrassing, especially because I know my sister reads my blogs sometimes (hey sis!) and I don't want her to worry about me. But I pose this question to anyone reading. Have you ever felt this way? Will we ever really be happy with ourselves?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey you - I'm always happy to listen, even (especially?!) when you think it will make me worry! :P

    I do think it's hard to say what you'll think in the future. I think you look TOTALLY AWESOME but I know how hard it is to be satisfied with the progress you've already made. (Speaking from experience... :) )

    Some weeks are better than others - don't beat yourself up if you don't meet your goals for the week, just decide to do better next week! Every day is a new beginning!
    3571 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5127867
    Deciding on a goal weight is hard. Don't beat yourself up
    3588 days ago
    This made me giggle!
    "Why aren't you happy, you loon?"

    I know that wasn't your original intent, but it did. Me myself? I'm a ninny!

    Will we ever be happy? Yes, we will. How will we know when we're happy? Will it be when we see a particular number on a scale? Maybe, but mostly likely not. It'll be when we learn to love and accept ourselves right now, in this moment. You absolutely can desire and want to improve yourself, but you have to love the body you're in now in order to successfully get where you want to be.

    Your body now is the one that carries you around all day. Carries your adorable boy around. Works hard so you can run. Functions well so you can have a good life with your hubby. It may not be exactly how you want it right now, but it will get you to that goal.

    And yes, doing that much cardio IS exhausting, and you burn out eventually.
    You'll get there. Remember it takes time, and that's a good thing, because that is how it really works and will really stick - time, and patience, and living healthfully.
    3589 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9523199
    There's no way to know how you'll feel in the future. Concentrate on now and what you can do now. You're doing fantastic! But I know how you feel. If you felt this way today it probably didn't matter what the number on the scale was. You probably would have been disappointed if it was 4. Some days are just harder than others. Just try and remember that consistency is key. And happiness comes from within, not a number on a scale. emoticon
    3589 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4516954
    Every step it the right direction will get you to your final goal! Dont get down on yourself you're doing great! I'm here if you ever need me to pick you up when you're down!
    3589 days ago
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