I apologize in advance
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I apologize in advance because this is kind of a whiny blog.
Why is it so hard so be happy with yourself (myself, ones self...) sometimes? I stepped on the scale this morning and saw I lost 2 pounds since last week. I should be ecstatic, right? That's how I used to feel when I lost weight. I know some of you are thinking, "Why aren't you happy, you loon? 2 pounds in a week is awesome!" Here's what my brain is telling me as I step off the scale:
Why haven't you lost more inches? You still have a ways to go before you can be really happy...Did you actually lose real weight, or is it just water?
My brain sucks.
My original goal was 135 lbs. That's what I weighed last time I was really happy with my body. About 2 months ago I decided that I knew I wasn't going to be happy at 135, so I changed my goal to 125. Here's the scary part...will I actually be happy at 125? Or will I get close and decide that 115 would be better. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH WEIGHT ONE CAN LOSE WITHOUT LOOKING SICK.
I don't know....*sigh* I am 2 pounds away from my original goal and all I see is the work I still need to do. I beat myself up for not meeting my ridiculous goal of 6 days a week strength training. I wonder if running 3 days a week is really enough, because I see people on here doing 200, 300, 400 minutes of cardio per week. To those people: How do you do that? Aren't you tired?
I quit taking my anxiety medication when I was pregnant with my son, and didn't go back on them after he was born because I realized I was really addicted to them. But am I just trading one obsession for another?
Saying all this is kind of embarrassing, especially because I know my sister reads my blogs sometimes (hey sis!) and I don't want her to worry about me. But I pose this question to anyone reading. Have you ever felt this way? Will we ever really be happy with ourselves?