Grief and Running and Yoga
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I started running again last week after being unable to do anything at all. Paralyzed by grief and no desire to do anything but hug my sister and cry over her sweet son's death.
Running was something I did that brought me joy, but now it is really medicine. It doesn't feel good yet, but it will someday. Now it just feels necessary. The struggle of it gives me something to fight against, since nothing can be done to change what happened.
My yoga practice is just breath right now. In and out. Sometimes I don't think I could even do that if not for all the people who are praying for us. I have said while teaching that the body has hope when the mind doesn't - if we pass out from not breathing our body starts to breathe again.
I now understand what it means to "pray without ceasing." Every breath, every step, every tear is a prayer.
Before anyone posts on here about there being a reason for everything, know this:
I do not believe that God inflicts tragedy on us. I do believe with all my heart that God redeems our tragedies. I believe that God weeps with us and walks with us through it and heals us. The beautiful things that come after are the stuff of God, not the horrible loss. What this redemption will look like for our family, I don't know. I do know that we will never be the same.
I do know that we are not alone.