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Rediscovering Me

Monday, September 26, 2011

To say that it's been a while since I blogged would be a vast understatement. Since April, when I last wrote, I've been sort of off the grid, wrapped up in summer and all its glory--swimming, vacationing, lazing away, and generally in a state of suspension when it comes to fitness. Not a downward spiral, mind you (I only gained 2-3 lbs) but just a sort of noncommittal, unfocused state.

And now my sisters are back in school and I'm sort of on my own again when it comes to my free time. Although it's been years since I've had an actual "summer break," the girls are 9 and 11 years younger than me (I just turned 30 myself), and I guess I was in a summer break state of mind with them.

And now it's back to reality. And, now that my sisters are back in school, back to my utter lack of a social life outside of my husband (who I adore, but let's face it--we all need friends) and back to facing myself in the mirror and hating where I'm at with my body.

My natural inclination is to make a list of things that will make me feel complete and then create a plan to accomplish them ... but I don't even know what those things are right now.

My life is almost completely devoid of creativity. I'm a painter who doesn't paint. A writer who doesn't write. I told myself I'd take up sewing, join an open painting group, learn to throw on a potting wheel, learn to bake, join a reading group to make friends. I haven't done any of those things.

I guess I want to be inspired. And I know only I can do that for myself---I'm just not sure what form it will take yet. So this part of the story is "to be continued."

The one thing in my life that isn't open-ended, that already has a plan mapped out, is my weight. It's a number, it's reachable, I will have accomplished something. So I'm back at it, in a place where I have a good support group, working to feel at 30 like I did at 20. I'll always be the older sister, but I don't want to be the heavy one, too.

Here we are this summer, me in the middle. I'm readjusting to life without them, and hoping next time I see them I'll be closer to reaching one goal and finding out what the others should be.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i find it gets harder and harder to keep hobbies! i've been pushing myself to create and keep my favorite things to do.
    2402 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    You sound so much like me - a musician without music, a writer without words, a crafter without creation. Hmmm. I need to think about this. Perhaps there is a correllation between that and my tonnage! BLESS YOU for blogging!
    2402 days ago
    Glad you had such a great summer with your sisters. You guys look SO much alike, its incredible. Don't worry about your lack of inspiration. We all go through "dry" periods. You did so good this summer, maintaining your weight! Its great that you already that know that you can do it! You've been losing so much lately that I'm sure you'll be at goal really soon!
    2402 days ago
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