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Finding balance and fighting negativity

Sunday, September 25, 2011

It has been two weeks since my last blog.

Where have I been? I have been here, just not so vocal or visible.

I am feeling kind of blah lately.

I have so many things to be grateful for.....and yet I am choosing to focus on the negative. I know why it is happening. I am tired and need a vacation. I feel unappreciated in my life. I am struggling to meet my weight loss goals.

My daughter continues to give me a run for my money. I caught her and her friends smoking marijuana in her room. She knows how I feel about drugs in general, and specifically about drugs in my home. She lost her text messaging privileges for now and her computer privileges for that one. I took her for a drive and talked to her about how her choices will steer the direction of her life. I talked to her about how her behavior shapes and influences her younger brother's behavior. I hope my words start sinking in. Otherwise, the consequences will continue....

My husband likes his new job. Thank goodness. His income has gone up several hundred dollars a month! We can pay off some bills.....if he would stop buying stuff. He bought an x-box 360 special edition yesterday. $490 at Best Buy. Now, he doesn't often go off and spend tons of money like that...but still, it doesn't quite jive with what we had talked about before....which was paying off debt so we can be more stable.

And since he bought the x-box, his buttocks is firmly planted in his chair in our room. He was supposed to help me clean up our room. That isn't happening this weekend.

Am I mad? Surprisingly, no. I am really at the point where I get it. Choices=consequences. Or choices=results. Our choices have an outcome. I have not been sleeping in our bedroom for about 2 weeks. My husband's dog sheds. Thus, our room needs frequent vaccuuming and dusting. Hubby's clothes and random stuff is spread out ALL over the floor. He won't do his laundry or clean it up. If it mattered to him enough that I am sleeping on the couch, then he would not be playing the x-box and would be doing his laundry. He can't complain when I go sleep on the couch if he won't do his part. And honestly, my couch is quite cozy. I am not going to run out there like I have in the past and clean up after him. I have books to read and better things to do.

My weight loss.....is a thorn in my side. I have been lifting weights and eating cleaner...but the scale does NOT budge. I will take measurements next week, and if there are no changes, then I guess I needs to adjust again. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I guess I have all my life to figure it out. I did add cardio back in to my routine now that I am pretty comfortable and consistent with my ST, so maybe that will help. I am choosing to keep trying, so hopefully the results will come. I am proud of myself for making a strong effort to eat more clean. My home is full of fruits and veggies, healthy protein bars made from scratch, chicken in my crockpot, and some batch cooking done. If nothing else, I am eating about 85% less chemicals, so that is AWESOME!

Work.....is work. I am better at saying "no" more often, so I don't get overwhelmed with things to do with no enough time in the day. I love what I do, I just need more balance in my life.

I really didn't want this to sound negative. I am just struggling. I feel like when I get a few parts of my life going in the direction I need/want, then other parts of my life start to have problems that take me away from what I need to be doing. How do YOU find balance?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ZESTYLADY
    I so get where you are coming from! I am coming to realize that I created this reality I am living by my choices and my caregiving tendencies. Back when I was "super-woman" it worked just fine. Now I am older and less willing to do "everything" for others. It's me that changed and those I have set up for the cadillac service in the past are shocked that I now what them to ride in the Volkswagen...and clean it up themselves!

    Good luck with your daughter...teenager-hood is a tough time of life.
    2575 days ago
  • CATS_MEOW_0911
    I don't get the impression that you're focusing on the negative, but rather, you are trying to find solutions to some barriers so you can meet your goals while still caring for others. I commend you for all that you have to balance, and admire that you have carved out time for clean eating and taking care of yourself. Perhaps it's not so much that you are being detracted by "negative" things in your life, but as you take care of yourself, these challenges that were already there come to light? You seem very aware that the only actions you can control are your own, such as choosing not to get mad at your husband (while at the same time doing your darnedest to steer him in the right direction). I think you are well on your way to creating more balance, time for yourself, and asserting your needs.


    2580 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/27/2011 11:35:18 AM
  • CUPCAKE2CARROTS
    I posted "mom on strike" posters through out my house once. I was done doing 110% of everything. It took a while, but they eventually got it.

    Blogging helps allot. Getting it out there "somewhere" and to some who can relate is a good thing. Just do what is good and right for you first. The rest will soon follow one way or another.

    Take good care of yourself. You deserve it...
    2581 days ago
  • ONECATSHORT97
    Your cleaner eating is awesome...kudos to you.

    As for balance, it is a constant goal and the path is ever changing. Good thoughts about choices and the resulting consequences or results. And you can't make "good" choices for anyone else (unless they are under the age of 5, I guess); each person has to choose and then live with the results. It's an important lesson that we all have to learn and you're helping your family along that road.

    Just remember to take care of yourself.
    2581 days ago
  • FIT-WHIT
    You don't sound negative-- just sounds like you've got a lot of "balls in the air" to keep juggling.

    Isn't that always the case, though? We start to sorta figure something out in life, and then other things poke their heads up and need more attention, so we're back to feeling frazzled trying to balance it all.

    It's wonderful how you're choosing to deal with some of the stresses of OTHER people in your life. You can't control their actions/decisions. But you can control your own. I like the bit about choices = consequences, or choices = results. So very true!

    Keep your head up! Finding balance is an every day ebb and flow. Just stay mindful, keep assessing and making changes as you need.
    2581 days ago
  • READERSB
    You're juggling so much in your life! Those things are real energy-sappers. Congratulations on persisting in the cleaner eating--that takes effort. All the best to you as you work your way through all your challenges. Sue
    2581 days ago
  • SPARKINGCASSIE
    Ahhhh "balance" Something I have felt for moments and longed for often. Something I constantly have to make a conscience effort to strive for.


    Good for you for sticking to your healthy lifestyle plan in the midst of all the other "life" moments. That's a big win in my book!!!

    Spark On!
    2581 days ago
  • DDOORN
    Ooof! I hear you re: the blahs...! Kudos on "consequences" for hubby, but there are also "consequences" for YOU! Sounds like you've got some resentment bubbling around underneath to air sometime soon...!

    Don
    2582 days ago
  • ESILBO
    MY HEART GOES TO YOU...
    I HAVE BEEN TROUGH ALL THAT, LONG TIME AGO... THE SAD THING IS THAT YOU HAVE TO FIND YOUR OWN ANSWERS, AND BY WRITING ABOUT IT IN YOUR BLOGS AND KNOWING THAT PEOPLE HERE, UNDERSTAND AND CARE FOR YOU, WILL HELP YOU FIND YOUR ANSWERS...I WISH I HAD A MAGIC WAND, BUT I JUST HAVE MY HEART TO OFFER YOU...TALK, TALK, TALK ABOUT IT, WE WILL LISTEN AND SEND YOU LOVE...

    emoticon
    LISE
    2582 days ago
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