What happened to the straight & narrow?

Massacred. Smothered. Overwhelmed. Shattered. Defeated.

After 4 months of persistence, I will be able to walk the Texas Marathon on New Years Day. Actually, it will be the half marathon. Now I'm not sure that is the thing I need to do. No, I'm not just being a woman here. I am tired of trying to analyze it all.

I've learned this month that with no training, my knees do not swell and there is no pain. That also means no pain pills. Why haven't I been training? Doctor says I almost have pneumonia. Some medication and lots of bed rest.

When I'm not exercising, I'm eating. I worked real hard to lose these 40# earlier this year and I'm considering wiring my jaw shut to keep from gaining them back. But, doc says to eat hearty until I am well. All the more reason to pre-track my nutrition planner and stay in control. But, I'm not in control.

Control. What does that mean for me anyway? If I continue with my training and complete the half-marathon, I know there will be pain and swelling. It would be nothing new and I would continue to deal with it and work through it. This is my last opportunity to walk the Texas Marathon in my neighborhood - a dream of mine for the past 3 years. Does the medication from the knee injections get 'used up' by my high activity levels?

Speaking of activity, what do I do now? I got TurboFire for Christmas and I only used a month before putting it on hold. I am 40# lighter now; will that make TurboFire a doable option for my knees? I am not quite ready to tackle P90X again yet, but I am doing a little online browsing at exercise dvds that can strengthen my body, raise my heart rate, and be kind to my knees.

It seems that everytime I find my stride and am pleased with my progress, I get blindsided. It is enough to make me want to quit trying at all.

Tomorrow will be a better day.