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I had my crying moment, now back on with the big girl panties!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

OK, I know most of the people here don't know me personally so here is a short summary.

I have a daughter 17 years, who suffered a closed head injury when she was 6 months old. She is my world and I will do any and everything for her. Because of her injury she is physically and mentally impaired. (But don't let the cute face fool you, she is something else!!!)

My husband , not her dad, has been more of a father to her, but he is never home because he drives over the road. Both of my parents are deceased, my sister is stationed in Qatar, and my brother who is an Attorney, is very busy. I don't have much support when it comes to my daughter because her dad feels like "your her mother" and I have to work, so what do you want me to do about it? Because he is the one who dropped my daughter and allowed her to go to sleep, you would think he would step up a little more!! I take care of my daughter , work 40+ hrs a week (last week 60), and I go to school, I'm exhausted!!! I'm not saying this to complain just wanted you to get the jist of things.

I am angry because I took time off from school this semester because my daughter was having a lot of procedures done. SHe is having oral surgery to remove her wisdom teeth. She was supposed to have heel cord surgery, but they are trying Botoxin and casting instead. I asked her dad if he could help me by taking her to get her Botoxin injections because I am going in late 4 days within two weeks and I am taking a day off another day within those two weeks. I have used all of my vacation and sick days for other days she was off from school or I didn't have a sitter. He tells me he will see what his job says. Now, I wanted to give him a few choice words and ask him what about my job, but I walked away before I would have lost my job! SO that started the crap of the week!!

Now, after dealing with this, I had to call his sister and tell her I was running behind schedule to drop my daughter off because I forgot to take her bag to work with me. She proceeds to tell me to make sure to get her bag because she has something to do and she wants to make sure my daughter is clean and smelling fresh. I almost lost it!! I always receive compliments about how well kept my daughter is. Teachers at her school praise me on how well I do with my daughter because she is always looking so well kept. His sisters always takes cheap shots at me because she knows I need her. SHe always says why don't you do this or she needs to have this done. I am but one person, why don't you tell your brother to help!!

She keeps her one day a week for around 7 hours because her dad is "too tired". She charges me $40 no matter how long she keeps her. EXP. she kept her Saturday , because I had to go into work and finish some things and she charged me $40, plus $13 because they were going out to eat. I only worked from 3 till 7. Now she says that she is going to start charging me more on my long days when my daughter doesn't have school.

After all of this aggravation today I just burst into tears as I was going to pick up my daughter from school to drop her off. My husband was trying to calm me down because he gets upset when I get upset of course. He said he is going to stay on the road a week longer so he can be here for her oral surgery and help out so I won't have to take off so many days of work. That made my day a lot better.

I hope no one gets the wrong idea, i'm not complaining about my job as a mother, I love it!! I wouldn't trade my Buh Buh for nothing in the world, just sometimes it becomes over whelming!! I know this was long, and if you read to the end, thanks for listening!! My Buh Buh 4th of July
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  • MSV2UU
    Thank you APIRLRAIN888!!!

    RTBTMAY, yes, some days its lot!!!

    2408 days ago
  • NEWME0519
    Wow, you have a lot on your plate!
    2409 days ago
    HUGS you are doing great!!!! a cry is good too! you are a great mom and I am sure you DD knows that!!!
    2409 days ago
  • MSV2UU
    Thank you ladies!!! You have brought more tears, but they are happy tears!!

    SWEETLIPS thank you so much! My husband and I are in search of a church closer to our home because his church home is a little far and because it is so hard to go to service with my daughter, I watch service on tv. It is sad that here in michigan because they feel "we make too much money"everything is so high. I have gone this long , so I will wait until she is 18 and then I will receive much more help. One of the teachers from her school is a big help, but she is out on maternity leave. Sad , she takes better care of my daughter than both her aunt and dad!! I see you are from Maryland, my sister is in Odenton (sp) but she is stationed in Qatar right now.

    SHELLYRENEE86 Thank you so much!!

    CHRIS138, I am the lucky one!!She has taught me so much about love!

    KENTUCKYWOMAN that is the sad part. She talks about God and how I need to make sure I go to church and that watching service on tv isn't good enough. This is what scares people away from church. If my faith wasn't strong I would never want to go to church!!

    1CRAZYDOG I would never charge my sister or brother to keep their kids!!

    XSENCIX I had to listen to Jill Scotts song about haters when I seen this!!

    Thanks again ladies!! If your not already on my friends list, I hope you don't mind if I add you!!
    2410 days ago
  • CHRIS138
    A good cry can go along way, everyone here is encouraging you to look for some help with your daughter. Maybe someone you can trade babysitting hours with. Your ex and his sister should be ashamed of themselves for not helping more and for taking money. Your ex should be at the very least paying for her care since he's to tired to care for her. We also have a respite team at our church and it is a free service, that is something you could look in to as well. Your daughter is a very lucky girl to have such a great mom. emoticon
    2410 days ago
    First of all, you are not whining or complaining! You are having a healthy vent and as I see it, asking for help!

    I think the suggestions SWEETLIPS offered are spot on. If you're a member of a church, see if you could get some respite help from them. Talk with your local Public Health Dept. Sometimes they offer respite care for situations like yours too.

    It breaks my heart when families treat each other shabbily (trying to be nice in chosing my terms!) and I hope that you can find a way to NOT have to get help from them. Clearly they are not dependable and just adding to your stress.

    2410 days ago
    I am counting your blessing for you right now. I know that this is really hard, and not what you have desired. So, accept what God allows. Just a couple of suggestions: I know we like to use family, and they can be such a disappointment. You said it well, her aunt ( her flesh and blood) takes pot shots at you because she knows you need her) My prayer is that you will no longer need her.

    Our church has a cadre of volunteers that assist with all types of situations - Oh, how I wished you here in Maryland, these folks would be there for you. I didn't take the time to look to see where you are, but if you are a member of a church, they just might have some help. Also in your city ( although if a small city, I can not be sure), there are organizations that can provide assistance. You may need another pair of eyes to help you look for solutions. E-mail you city and state and I will research for you. Blessings, and thank for sharing, you are going to be alright, in spite of the obstacles that your daughter flesh and blood are attempting to use. emoticon
    2410 days ago
    well i cant say ive been in your situation . though i feel for you . I work as a cna and being a care giver is a tough job alright but to be mom and caregiver i cant imagine ..
    i think its amazing youve come so far and your pushing to making a better life for you and your family.
    cheap shots will always come but haters will always hate on the strong .

    my brothers dont take part in taking care of my dad but believe me they make all the comments in the world ! ..

    *hugs* prayers for a better tomorrow
    2410 days ago
    I just want you to know, that I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't have a child to care for, but I am the 24/7 caregiver to my 92 year old husband who is handicapped. I know all too well how overwhelming all this can be.
    I think it speaks volumes of the kind of person her Aunt is to actually charge you first for taking care of her, but second to threaten you with charging you even more.
    Hang in there, and I too will be praying for you.

    2410 days ago
    I've never been in your situation, I can't even imagine being in your situation, but I can tell that you give your all and that is the most that anyone could ask for. Expressing it, instead of bottling it all up, is the healthiest thing you could do. I am so glad that you found this to be the place to express it. It gave me a little reminder that I am not the only one dealing with such things, and that I am blessed for what I do have & for those who support me. If you ever need to vent to someone feel free to send me a message. I hope that her father realizes what is best for his daughter & steps up. I'll be praying for you.
    2410 days ago
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