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Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm a skinny FAT girl? Changing more than my body!

There the man sat with his wife starring at me, with his eyes bugged out of his head and he and his wife were whispering as the turned around and looked me up and down. They made sure I knew they were disgusted with my appearance. My son was the person who caught them and was sure I had realized what they were up to and grabbed me and hugged me and said, " aw mommy I am so sorry." I had to ask him what he meant? I saw them, but for some reason it didn't register that they were talking about me, until my son had pointed it out to me. After all, I am a skinny FAT girlie!

Now normally, the nice Kristin in me would be ashamed, embarrassed, sad, critical of myself, and feel like I was an outcast and go off crying in a bathroom or order the menu and eat it all. See, I was in a restaurant and I suppose they felt I had enough to eat without coming in and eating there.

Here is the kicker, they continued to look and make fun of me as if I wasn't standing there. There was no one on my side of the restaurant so they were making it painfully obvious. They looked me up and down, I'd say three or four times and actually made a wrinkled up face. This hurt my son so bad. He went on to tell me how beautiful I looked and continued to hug me.

There is another side to Kristin..me, don't you love how I am talking in third person here LOL!? Where did that come from?

I have a super nice side, which most people see, but my evil twin comes out and I prove I am my mother's daughter. See my mother takes nothing from anyone. She is one tough cookie and she is real nice until you mess with her. Never once have I seen her give someone an inch. If someone talks down to her, well, they will regret it. She had to learn to be tough. But, I never got that, until I started realizing that I am worth something and I don't deserve to be treated illy.

When did that happen? Good question folks!

I would have to say that just started when I wrote my blog, Take Back the Power! I feel powerful and more confident in myself. I refuse to allow someone to treat me like I am a disgusting piece of trash they can walk all over.


As the man continued to look at me, the woman turned away when she noticed I wasn't going to look away. I stood my ground, smiled, and said to my son that you can't always run into people with good manners and that this man has his own issues with weight, but shouldn't throw stones since he was overweight himself and that he wasn't making me feel bad, because I am beautiful, full of love, and have my own "dirty little secret!!" Yep, that's right, my own seceret is knowing that only "I" can hurt myself, that names and people's thoughts and opinions are theirs to believe, but they don't have to be mine.

I am a blessed child of God. God has proven to me that he will walk, run and even carry me during these past nine months and with God's help I am going to be successful and full of the glory of God and that he will continue to work within me for my future weight loss.

Not being the perfect child of God, the mean Kristin came out when the man made a remark and a sound of disgust. My son had stepped away and I believe I said, " Your an A--hole for making a little kid feel bad." I don't think he had thought of it like that. I took my seat and he and his wife sat in shame, but never looked at me again, well, not that I noticed.

See, I feel skinny! I know that is ridiculous, but baby girls, I am SKINNY!

My mind is telling my body that I can do any darn thing I want to do and since losing 176 pounds altogether and 126 with Spark People, my body is feeling slender and full of energy! I am doing things that I haven't done in years and it will only get better.

Best of all...my MIND is catching up to my body, so my dirty little secret of knowing I have lost all this weight and that I am on the road to healthy and fabulous is enough to FINALLY stand up for my values and my beliefs! I am making healthy choices and living life for me. I am no longer going to allow anyone to run over me and take my power from me!

I am POWERFUL! I am a WILDFIRE! I am a SKINNY FAT GIRL! I'm CHANGING more than my body!

If you made it this far, thank you for being my friend. For being supportive and for being there when I need you most. I love all the Sparkers, but I want to make mention of a few that keep me going daily.

Jman222, Losin4lish, Indygirl, MNGIRLIE, CarolAnn27, Cookwithme65, Sleeptalks, Pookie, Jbarstow, angelsandybaby, Andeennate, smarged, Kerlin26, 100x50, Sparklise, sparkshell11, STSCOTT11, Teeny-Bikini, MichiganLori, JazzeJr, Richila, Rockthisday, and a special thanks to someone who makes me feel so loved and cherished and was God sent.


If you haven't met these ladies, drop in their pages. They have enough love in their hearts to share with the whole spark community! Each of them bring something new to my life often.

Message to all the SPARKERS!

Each of you have touched my heart in someway, which is why we are friends. Please know I love you all and want everyone to feel positive and energized always! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, EVEN IF EVERYONE ELSE SAYS YOUR FAT...YOUR SKINNY TO ME!

Wishing anyone who reads this great health and happiness!

Love ya!

Kristin Me working out to Coach Nicole's video...hear me roar girlies!
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