HABROWN
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Alone in a Crowd

Sunday, September 18, 2011

First and foremost...I wanna thank each and everyone of you who stops by my page, comments there or on my blog...to know so many of you care about my journey as well as yours...makes me tear up. I am a tad emotional at this moment, but it is all good. More times than not sparks reenforces in on this journey that I am not alone...that I have some fantabulous people walking similar journeys with me and that means the world to me.

In my past secrets and the "hush" that I heard in my head when I wanted to speak up on things that were bothering me or get help was the black hole of my existence. I hid from not just strangers and family, but from myself. There were entire years where I talked myself out of and in to a fictional world where cutting myself and contemplating suicide were never to be spoken of outside of my head and that I pasted a smile and the standard disclaimer that "I am doing great! How are you doing?" to get the conversation on the other person. I had responsibilities that were literally drowning me and I didn't call out for help until it was almost to late to save myself. I thank goodness that I got help before I did something I couldn't take back.

It is through many years of counseling and time spent on medication that I realized...I can't control anyone, but myself. I can't save anyone else...If I am still drowning especially if that person is resistant to the assistance.

My goodness what a mess the mind can make. I am getting in order once more. I am not alone in any aspect of my life. I will ask for help if I need it. When I feel like the world is out to get me...I am gonna stop and remind myself that I have the choices and the power to shape my future. I can love those around me, but I can't force them to make the right decisions...only they can accomplish that.

Today I start once more from scratch. I am gonna write the word CHOICE! on my hand until I finally get that I make the choice and I take the steps to a better me. I may fall once more, but I will stand up once more too. Making missteps are a fact of life and will happen, but that will not deter me for long.

Thank you once again for ensuring with your positive thoughts, venting your struggles, allowing me to celebrate your triumphs with you, posting and commenting, and being the fabulous people you are. Once again thank you to every one of you out their in this huge wonderful world for allowing me to be a part of your journey's and ensuring that I don't feel alone in a crowd.

YOU ALL ROCK!

Have a blessed week!

Hill
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SUNFLOWERSAVAGE
    Thank you for sharing with us. You certainly are not alone!!
    Many of us are here today because we stuffed our real feelings. We didn't feel safe to face them or let them be known. The way we get out of the "blackhole" is by reaching out and letting others in.

    Have a great weekend.

    ~Deanna
    2456 days ago
  • HEALTHYSLIM2
    You are definitely NOT ALONE! Hopefully today you will feel the love and hugs of the SP community engulfing you. SO many of us are out here with you and the struggle is shared!
    Starting again from scratch is okay! You are doing great!
    Today I celebrate your life and thank God for you. Please keep on reaching out when things get tough! Yes, asking for help can be hard for all of us, but once you do, you will be supported.
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    2466 days ago
  • NICKELDAWN
    You're so Awesome!!!!!
    You're really doing great!!!
    Keep up your hard work!
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    2467 days ago
  • INTHE808
    Right on, sister! I do the same thing, but I feel that I have to stop that too. I have to be truthful to myself, as well as accountable. I shouldn't let other people's comments bother me or allow myself not to exercise because "I don't feel like it."

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I always appreciate it. You make me want to be a better and healthier person.
    2467 days ago
  • PRINCESSBEITER
    I'm glad you have realized that you are not alone. Asking for help is the hardest thing some of us ever have to do. We've gotten the idea that we have to do it all ourselves.

    My thing has always been, "if I don't ask for something, I can't be disappointed when I don't get it." That's a lousy way to live.

    Every day we need to ask either our Higher Power or someone else for what we need from them.
    2467 days ago
  • VALKYRIA-
    No, YOU rock! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2467 days ago
  • FANORONHA_14
    You are emoticon You are emoticon
    Never Give Up!
    emoticon emoticon
    Life is Good!
    Good Health is the Greatest Wealth!
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
    Philippians 4:13
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    2467 days ago
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